1
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Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

2
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I'm late, I know.

3
00:02:35,673 --> 00:02:36,741
Huh.

4
00:02:36,774 --> 00:02:38,643
Did anyone call?

5
00:02:38,676 --> 00:02:40,011
No.

6
00:02:40,044 --> 00:02:41,579
Kendra didn't call?

7
00:02:41,612 --> 00:02:43,280
No. No one.

8
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,218
That's good.

9
00:02:52,355 --> 00:02:54,625
My son had a game
this morning,

10
00:02:54,659 --> 00:02:56,460
and he wanted me to wait
for his dad to get there,

11
00:02:56,493 --> 00:03:00,397
and then I got caught in
some traffic or an accident...

12
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,799
You got in an accident?

13
00:03:03,801 --> 00:03:08,271
What? No, I got stuck
in the traffic of an accident.

14
00:03:11,008 --> 00:03:12,744
What are you doing?

15
00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:13,811
Dishes.

16
00:03:15,079 --> 00:03:19,050
Okay. Well, can you
come help me set up?

17
00:03:19,083 --> 00:03:20,484
What do
we need to set up?

18
00:03:20,517 --> 00:03:22,452
The room, for the meeting.

19
00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:25,957
Why are you doing dishes?

20
00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:27,859
No one cleaned up
from this morning.

21
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:30,995
Oh, I'm so sorry.

22
00:03:31,028 --> 00:03:33,030
That's very responsible
of you to...

23
00:03:33,064 --> 00:03:35,867
Yeah. We got to tell them
to clean up after themselves.

24
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:38,636
I... I definitely did
tell them that.

25
00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:40,504
What... Who was it? AA?

26
00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:43,574
No, Al-Anon.
AA cleans up after themselves.

27
00:03:45,109 --> 00:03:48,646
Okay. Well, can you, uh...

28
00:03:48,679 --> 00:03:49,747
How about you do that
a little bit later

29
00:03:49,781 --> 00:03:51,414
and what... You wanna come
help me set up this room?

30
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,417
I wanna set it up
before Kendra gets here.

31
00:04:08,966 --> 00:04:10,701
Okay.

32
00:04:10,735 --> 00:04:12,536
Here. Help me
pull out this table.

33
00:04:14,437 --> 00:04:16,373
Okay.

34
00:04:16,406 --> 00:04:18,375
Oh, careful. Careful, careful.

35
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:25,716
Oh, sorry.

36
00:04:30,955 --> 00:04:32,757
Let's see.
Center it a little more.

37
00:04:34,592 --> 00:04:35,927
Okay.

38
00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:09,660
Hi.

39
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:10,962
Hello. Hi.

40
00:05:10,995 --> 00:05:12,163
- Judy?
- Yes.

41
00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:13,496
Kendra Carter. Pleasure.

42
00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:30,147
Well, this is very nice.

43
00:05:31,616 --> 00:05:33,851
Thank you so much.
We think so too.

44
00:05:35,553 --> 00:05:37,655
Most people just drive north
to St. Thomas these days,

45
00:05:37,688 --> 00:05:42,026
but we find plenty to do here.

46
00:05:42,059 --> 00:05:43,828
So where will they be meeting?

47
00:05:43,861 --> 00:05:46,529
Oh. Um, right. I'm sorry.

48
00:05:46,564 --> 00:05:47,497
I'm taking too long.

49
00:05:47,530 --> 00:05:48,498
Sorry. I don't mean
to be rude, I just...

50
00:05:48,531 --> 00:05:49,367
No, no, no, you're not
being rude. This is...

51
00:05:49,399 --> 00:05:50,067
That's a really
wonderful question.

52
00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:52,502
They're in a room downstairs.

53
00:05:52,535 --> 00:05:53,804
Here, follow me.

54
00:05:57,642 --> 00:05:59,176
We usually have
meetings down here,

55
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:00,611
but the reverend thought

56
00:06:00,645 --> 00:06:02,847
they might need
a little more privacy,

57
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,782
so we're gonna
put them in the back.

58
00:06:04,815 --> 00:06:06,083
Well, if you think it's best.

59
00:06:06,117 --> 00:06:07,752
I do. I do.

60
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:10,621
I think it's lighter,
it has better...

61
00:06:10,655 --> 00:06:11,722
You know, it's nicer.

62
00:06:11,756 --> 00:06:13,523
And Linda approved it?

63
00:06:13,557 --> 00:06:14,959
I've never actually met Linda.

64
00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:16,861
She's not a parishioner
here. So...

65
00:06:16,894 --> 00:06:18,696
But she's seen it?

66
00:06:18,729 --> 00:06:21,732
Um, well, she met with
the reverend here privately,

67
00:06:21,766 --> 00:06:22,800
uh, several times.

68
00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:24,534
So I'm assuming that she did.

69
00:06:26,237 --> 00:06:28,105
- Uh...
- Oh.

70
00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:30,241
Will we hear this music
back there?

71
00:06:30,274 --> 00:06:33,644
Oh, shoot.
Yeah, that's a problem.

72
00:06:33,678 --> 00:06:35,746
It might be. Can they stop?

73
00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:37,214
Uh, they have lessons today.

74
00:06:37,248 --> 00:06:38,883
Can't we just close the doors?

75
00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:40,251
I don't want it
to be a distraction.

76
00:06:40,284 --> 00:06:41,585
You know what?
I'm gonna talk to them.

77
00:06:41,619 --> 00:06:42,586
- It'll be fine.
- Thank you.

78
00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:44,487
Absolutely. Uh, do you
want to see the room?

79
00:06:44,521 --> 00:06:45,823
- Yes, please.
- Okay.

80
00:06:54,999 --> 00:06:56,801
What do you think?

81
00:06:57,802 --> 00:06:59,203
It's better back here.

82
00:06:59,236 --> 00:07:01,605
Oh, right.

83
00:07:01,639 --> 00:07:05,242
Sorry. I was told no one would
be in the building is all.

84
00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:07,278
Oh, yeah. Um, I'm sorry.

85
00:07:07,311 --> 00:07:09,280
We usually have them practice
down here.

86
00:07:09,313 --> 00:07:11,816
But they're... We moved them
to the church.

87
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:14,618
Okay, so will anyone else
be in here?

88
00:07:14,652 --> 00:07:16,053
The choir's rehearsing
for tomorrow.

89
00:07:16,087 --> 00:07:19,156
Oh, right. I'm so sorry
that I moved the chairs.

90
00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:20,758
Oh, no, it's fine.

91
00:07:20,791 --> 00:07:23,526
But they're rehearsing
up in the church though?

92
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:25,896
Yeah.

93
00:07:25,930 --> 00:07:27,164
That should be fine.

94
00:07:28,232 --> 00:07:30,968
Anthony, can you,
um, go downstairs

95
00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:32,970
and get the snacks that
I brought and bring them up

96
00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:35,172
and set them up
on the far table over there?

97
00:07:35,773 --> 00:07:36,807
Thank you.

98
00:07:41,145 --> 00:07:42,780
But the room's okay?

99
00:07:42,813 --> 00:07:44,315
I think so.

100
00:07:44,348 --> 00:07:46,650
Great.

101
00:07:46,684 --> 00:07:50,187
We got some bagels and
some water and, um, coffee.

102
00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:51,856
I'm gonna make
some great coffee.

103
00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:52,857
That's a nice idea.

104
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:57,161
Okay. Um, and the...
Sorry about the chairs,

105
00:07:57,194 --> 00:07:59,830
- but the table is okay?
- The table?

106
00:07:59,864 --> 00:08:01,866
The placement of the table
is good for you?

107
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:03,000
- It's fine.
- For the...?

108
00:08:03,034 --> 00:08:06,203
Okay. Great.

109
00:08:06,237 --> 00:08:07,638
That's great.

110
00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:09,974
Placement
of the table's great.

111
00:08:10,007 --> 00:08:12,576
Do you have tissues?
Like a tissue box?

112
00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:14,111
Yeah, we have some
right over here.

113
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:15,880
That's a really great idea.
Of course.

114
00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:19,016
All right. Now we're
getting somewhere. Um...

115
00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:21,185
How many people
are coming, again?

116
00:08:21,218 --> 00:08:24,088
- Why?
- There'll be four of them.

117
00:08:24,121 --> 00:08:26,924
You got, like, a lot of food.

118
00:08:26,957 --> 00:08:29,060
I don't think
they'll be eating.

119
00:08:29,093 --> 00:08:31,896
- Oh, I'm sorry. I thought...
- What's this?

120
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:34,932
That's my lunch.
You can put that away. Um...

121
00:08:34,965 --> 00:08:37,134
Sorry. I thought that
I should have some food.

122
00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:39,170
Yeah, no, no.
It's a really nice thought.

123
00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:42,873
I just... I don't think we
need to put all of that out.

124
00:08:42,907 --> 00:08:45,142
- It's... We shouldn't.
- Right.

125
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:46,877
Right. Okay.

126
00:08:46,911 --> 00:08:48,646
So how long have you worked
with the families?

127
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,214
- Anthony. That...
- What?

128
00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:52,016
That's okay.

129
00:08:52,049 --> 00:08:53,818
Just the one family.

130
00:08:53,851 --> 00:08:56,353
But six years now.

131
00:08:56,387 --> 00:08:57,354
- Wow.
- Oh, wow.

132
00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:01,992
Were you working with
the family before the...?

133
00:09:02,026 --> 00:09:04,695
No, no, no. It's how we met.

134
00:09:04,728 --> 00:09:06,864
- Can we move these?
- Yes, absolutely.

135
00:09:06,897 --> 00:09:09,834
- Thank you.
- Have they done this before?

136
00:09:09,867 --> 00:09:12,069
Anthony, that's none
of our business.

137
00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:14,171
Have you printed out
for tomorrow?

138
00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,239
- I did.
- Okay,

139
00:09:15,272 --> 00:09:16,607
did you fold for tomorrow?

140
00:09:24,715 --> 00:09:26,383
- Sorry about him.
- No, he's fine.

141
00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:28,919
We were gonna
give him the day off,

142
00:09:28,953 --> 00:09:30,287
but then his family, they
really need to keep him busy.

143
00:09:30,321 --> 00:09:31,789
You don't need to explain.

144
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,390
Okay, that's good of you.

145
00:09:33,424 --> 00:09:36,427
I mean, he's really sweet,
most of the time.

146
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:40,131
But he's not your typical,
uh, church employee.

147
00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:42,867
But then again,
we are Episcopalian.

148
00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:45,002
Sorry, that's just
a little Christian humor.

149
00:09:45,035 --> 00:09:46,737
Oh, no, don't put it
in the center.

150
00:09:46,770 --> 00:09:48,973
- Oh.
- It looks freaky.

151
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,275
Uh, put it to the side
or maybe back over there,

152
00:09:51,308 --> 00:09:52,877
so they see it,
but you know...

153
00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:56,881
Right. I'm sorry. Of course.

154
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:02,820
So where...? Are you gonna be
doing all of this

155
00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:03,921
in here with them or...?

156
00:10:03,954 --> 00:10:08,225
No, they've, uh,
they've agreed to be alone.

157
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:11,095
Well, um, you can
come hang with us.

158
00:10:11,128 --> 00:10:13,797
We're, um...
We have a lot of room

159
00:10:13,831 --> 00:10:16,767
and we have great Wi-Fi.

160
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,202
Um, I have a few calls
I need to make

161
00:10:18,235 --> 00:10:20,004
so I'll probably
just work from the car.

162
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:23,107
Oh, no, that's sad.
You should stay with us.

163
00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:24,475
You can have the
reverend's whole office.

164
00:10:24,508 --> 00:10:26,911
Oh, okay, we'll figure it out.

165
00:10:26,944 --> 00:10:28,012
- Okay.
- Um...

166
00:10:28,512 --> 00:10:30,915
What are these?

167
00:10:30,948 --> 00:10:33,817
Oh, yeah.
Aren't those really neat?

168
00:10:33,851 --> 00:10:36,153
That was a school project.
It's supposed to be

169
00:10:36,187 --> 00:10:37,988
stained glass.

170
00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,227
Is there something wrong?

171
00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:48,132
Oh.

172
00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:51,268
Right.

173
00:10:52,169 --> 00:10:53,837
It's fine. You know what?

174
00:10:53,871 --> 00:10:56,373
I'm... I'm gonna step out
and make a call. Okay?

175
00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:57,741
- Sure, yes.
- Thanks.

176
00:10:57,775 --> 00:10:59,376
Yes, please. Take your time.

177
00:11:21,365 --> 00:11:24,868
Okay, that's it. Here we are.

178
00:11:24,902 --> 00:11:26,470
I know. Keep driving.

179
00:11:26,503 --> 00:11:28,172
What?

180
00:11:28,205 --> 00:11:30,207
Just... I'm not... Not now.

181
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,375
I'm not ready yet.
Just keep driving.

182
00:11:31,408 --> 00:11:32,443
I don't know where we are.

183
00:11:32,476 --> 00:11:34,912
Anywhere. Just go. Just drive.

184
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,248
Pull up around the corner
there, over there somewhere.

185
00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:39,383
- Just go!
- Okay. Okay.

186
00:11:42,987 --> 00:11:47,524
Hi, Linda. No problem.
I'm here. Take your time.

187
00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:48,993
Have you spoken with Richard?

188
00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:16,287
What the hell
are we doing here?

189
00:12:18,956 --> 00:12:20,958
Are you gonna be all right?

190
00:12:22,259 --> 00:12:23,527
Honey?

191
00:12:23,561 --> 00:12:24,895
I don't know.

192
00:12:27,264 --> 00:12:30,301
- Okay.
- No, I don't know if I can...

193
00:12:32,069 --> 00:12:34,471
I don't know if I can do it.

194
00:12:37,908 --> 00:12:39,076
Well, we don't have to.

195
00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:42,946
We could just
turn around and leave.

196
00:12:44,281 --> 00:12:46,517
If that's what you want.

197
00:12:46,550 --> 00:12:48,385
No.

198
00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:51,288
I mean, I don't think
I can say it.

199
00:12:55,492 --> 00:12:56,527
Okay.

200
00:12:56,561 --> 00:13:00,297
Well, you know,
you don't have to.

201
00:13:00,331 --> 00:13:01,365
We could just go there

202
00:13:01,398 --> 00:13:04,034
and listen to what
they have to say.

203
00:13:04,068 --> 00:13:06,370
You don't have to do anything
you don't want to do.

204
00:13:07,504 --> 00:13:08,573
All right?

205
00:13:08,606 --> 00:13:10,441
If I don't, would you?

206
00:13:14,178 --> 00:13:15,212
I'm sorry. That's not fair.

207
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:18,282
No, it's...
You know, it's not...

208
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,197
I wouldn't, but...

209
00:14:05,563 --> 00:14:07,599
Come on.
Are you ready to go back?

210
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:11,870
Okay.

211
00:14:13,303 --> 00:14:14,304
All right.

212
00:14:58,015 --> 00:15:00,350
Absolutely.
We can discuss that

213
00:15:00,384 --> 00:15:02,186
when I get back
day after tomorrow.

214
00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:21,538
Oh, dear.

215
00:15:39,289 --> 00:15:40,357
Mr. and Mrs. Perry?

216
00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:42,125
Jay, please. Kendra?

217
00:15:42,159 --> 00:15:43,160
Yes.

218
00:15:57,274 --> 00:15:58,275
Gail?

219
00:16:09,353 --> 00:16:10,688
Hi.

220
00:16:10,722 --> 00:16:12,322
- Hi. Jay Perry.
- Oh, hi.

221
00:16:12,356 --> 00:16:13,490
- This is my wife, Gail.
- My name is Judy.

222
00:16:13,524 --> 00:16:14,559
- Hello.
- Hi, Judy.

223
00:16:14,592 --> 00:16:15,627
- Hi.
- I'm Jay.

224
00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:16,527
Hi. Thank you
so much for coming.

225
00:16:16,561 --> 00:16:18,730
Thank you for, uh,
providing the space.

226
00:16:18,763 --> 00:16:21,465
Oh, absolutely.
We're so happy we could help.

227
00:16:21,498 --> 00:16:22,834
Well, we have you all set up
right back here.

228
00:16:22,867 --> 00:16:24,101
Oh, yeah. We have some food...

229
00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:25,335
Great.

230
00:16:25,369 --> 00:16:26,804
...and some coffee, and some
water. Do y'all want anything?

231
00:16:26,838 --> 00:16:29,039
I think we're good
for now. Right?

232
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:31,809
I'm fine.

233
00:16:31,843 --> 00:16:33,310
- Thank you, Judy.
- Yeah, thank you.

234
00:16:33,343 --> 00:16:35,145
Should... Do you want me
to show you the space?

235
00:16:35,178 --> 00:16:36,380
No, I'll show them. Thank you.

236
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,315
Okay, great. It's so lovely
to meet both of you, so much.

237
00:16:38,348 --> 00:16:40,117
- Thank you.
- You can follow me.

238
00:16:42,854 --> 00:16:44,054
Right here.

239
00:16:50,562 --> 00:16:51,763
Is the room
okay for you?

240
00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:57,534
Uh...

241
00:16:58,468 --> 00:17:00,504
Table, chairs,

242
00:17:00,537 --> 00:17:02,205
Jesus watching us.

243
00:17:02,674 --> 00:17:03,708
It's great.

244
00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:05,577
Okay. Well, I know

245
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,712
we've gotten your signatures
on everything,

246
00:17:07,745 --> 00:17:09,146
and you're all squared away

247
00:17:09,179 --> 00:17:10,848
as far as our offices
are concerned.

248
00:17:10,882 --> 00:17:13,417
But... while it's just
the three of us,

249
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,218
is there anything
you want to ask me?

250
00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:17,789
I think we're okay.

251
00:17:17,822 --> 00:17:19,523
Will they be here soon?

252
00:17:19,557 --> 00:17:20,592
I just
spoke with them.

253
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:21,759
They should be here
any minute.

254
00:17:21,793 --> 00:17:22,627
- Oh.
- Would you be okay

255
00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:24,161
if I left you alone
for just a bit?

256
00:17:24,194 --> 00:17:25,295
Absolutely. Sure.

257
00:17:25,329 --> 00:17:26,564
I'll be right back.

258
00:17:46,918 --> 00:17:49,286
Hi. No, I'm outside.

259
00:17:50,588 --> 00:17:52,522
Oh, I... I see you.

260
00:18:07,270 --> 00:18:08,505
We're right in here.

261
00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:13,377
- Hello.
- Hi.

262
00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:17,915
Richard, Linda, this is Jay
and Gail Perry.

263
00:18:17,949 --> 00:18:20,885
We've met, actually.
It was a long time ago.

264
00:18:22,954 --> 00:18:24,454
How are you?

265
00:18:25,422 --> 00:18:28,158
Yeah, we're fine. Thanks.

266
00:18:31,328 --> 00:18:33,330
Have you been waiting long?

267
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:35,967
No, we just got here.
We haven't even sat down.

268
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,769
How's the room? Okay?

269
00:18:37,802 --> 00:18:39,837
- It's fine.
- I thought so.

270
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,539
Gail?

271
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:44,441
I'm fine.

272
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,611
Okay, good.

273
00:18:48,311 --> 00:18:50,480
I brought these for you.

274
00:18:50,514 --> 00:18:52,516
Oh. Oh.

275
00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:54,317
- I'm sorry.
- No, they're...

276
00:18:54,351 --> 00:18:55,385
Small.

277
00:18:55,419 --> 00:18:57,354
No, they're very nice.
Thank you.

278
00:19:01,793 --> 00:19:03,193
Should we sit?

279
00:19:04,361 --> 00:19:06,263
Yeah, let's take a seat.

280
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:16,841
Take your coat?

281
00:19:25,917 --> 00:19:27,819
Well, we've... we've spoken.

282
00:19:27,852 --> 00:19:29,519
Yeah, we're all sorted.

283
00:19:29,554 --> 00:19:30,922
We are. Yes.

284
00:19:30,955 --> 00:19:35,993
Well, I'm grateful to see
you all together finally.

285
00:19:36,027 --> 00:19:37,461
May I say that?

286
00:19:37,494 --> 00:19:39,864
And I'm hopeful that
we all think

287
00:19:39,897 --> 00:19:41,264
that this was
a good thing to do

288
00:19:41,298 --> 00:19:43,333
by the time
we leave here today.

289
00:19:43,366 --> 00:19:44,401
Is that okay?

290
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:45,535
- Yes.
- Thanks, Kendra.

291
00:19:45,570 --> 00:19:48,873
All right, well,
I'm going to leave you alone.

292
00:19:48,906 --> 00:19:50,373
Let me know
if you need anything.

293
00:19:51,042 --> 00:19:52,442
Nice to meet you both.

294
00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:53,745
- You too.
- Mmm-hmm.

295
00:20:10,895 --> 00:20:12,997
You wanna maybe just...

296
00:20:18,069 --> 00:20:19,670
These are nice.

297
00:20:19,704 --> 00:20:20,972
Thank you.

298
00:20:21,005 --> 00:20:22,807
I wanted to bring something.

299
00:20:24,108 --> 00:20:26,844
Uh, I tried to pick
what's available

300
00:20:26,878 --> 00:20:29,513
or seasonal, which isn't much.

301
00:20:29,546 --> 00:20:33,383
- You made this?
- Yeah. Sort of a new hobby.

302
00:20:33,416 --> 00:20:34,417
Oh.

303
00:20:36,353 --> 00:20:37,789
Thank you.

304
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:38,823
Sure.

305
00:20:42,059 --> 00:20:44,662
I'm sorry. Just...
I don't want to be rude.

306
00:20:44,695 --> 00:20:46,864
But could we just, like,
while we're talking,

307
00:20:46,898 --> 00:20:48,866
- just put these somewhere?
- Of course.

308
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:49,934
- No, no, no, I'll take it.
- Okay.

309
00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:51,334
- I'm so sorry.
- No.

310
00:21:03,014 --> 00:21:05,650
- Thank you.
- Oh, sure.

311
00:21:06,984 --> 00:21:08,753
You know that... Okay.

312
00:21:09,854 --> 00:21:11,521
How was your trip down here?

313
00:21:11,556 --> 00:21:14,424
Drive. We drove.
Yeah. It was fine.

314
00:21:14,457 --> 00:21:15,660
Did you drive or...?

315
00:21:15,693 --> 00:21:19,897
I flew in last night.
I'm leaving this afternoon.

316
00:21:19,931 --> 00:21:22,066
Oh, okay. Right.

317
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:25,870
Will you be driving
back tonight or...?

318
00:21:25,903 --> 00:21:28,706
We have a room,
hotel arranged,

319
00:21:28,739 --> 00:21:30,141
but we may not
want to stay over.

320
00:21:30,174 --> 00:21:32,409
- Head back?
- Right.

321
00:21:34,879 --> 00:21:40,350
So, um, look, thank you
for agreeing to meet us

322
00:21:40,852 --> 00:21:42,854
and together.

323
00:21:42,887 --> 00:21:45,056
Oh, you're welcome.

324
00:21:45,089 --> 00:21:49,392
I appreciate you, all of you,
making the journey.

325
00:21:49,426 --> 00:21:50,928
I know I'm not easy to get to.

326
00:21:50,962 --> 00:21:52,429
We're happy to come
to you, Linda.

327
00:21:52,462 --> 00:21:56,033
I mean, yes, and I, uh...

328
00:21:58,836 --> 00:22:01,072
We want to start
by saying that

329
00:22:01,105 --> 00:22:05,508
we, uh, regret some of
the things that we said.

330
00:22:05,542 --> 00:22:07,745
Oh, don't, don't be regretful.

331
00:22:07,778 --> 00:22:10,948
We wish we didn't have to rely
so much on our attorneys.

332
00:22:10,982 --> 00:22:14,051
But, uh, now it's really just
to protect our son.

333
00:22:16,519 --> 00:22:17,722
- Steven.
- Mmm.

334
00:22:18,756 --> 00:22:20,725
Yeah. How's he doing?

335
00:22:20,758 --> 00:22:22,593
He's doing very well.
Thank you for asking.

336
00:22:22,627 --> 00:22:24,896
They're in Baltimore now,
not far from me.

337
00:22:24,929 --> 00:22:26,030
They have a little boy
on the way.

338
00:22:26,063 --> 00:22:27,865
That's great.

339
00:22:27,899 --> 00:22:29,800
Thank you. And how is Sophie?

340
00:22:29,834 --> 00:22:32,103
- How's your daughter?
- She's, uh...

341
00:22:32,136 --> 00:22:34,537
- She's doing fine.
- She's much better.

342
00:22:34,572 --> 00:22:37,708
She's made a lot of progress
the last year.

343
00:22:37,742 --> 00:22:39,509
She's looking at, uh,

344
00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:41,478
applying to schools now,
college, for the fall.

345
00:22:41,511 --> 00:22:42,545
Oh, that's wonderful.

346
00:22:42,580 --> 00:22:43,648
- That's great.
- Thanks.

347
00:22:43,681 --> 00:22:44,882
That's great.
That's great.

348
00:22:44,916 --> 00:22:45,917
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

349
00:22:53,157 --> 00:22:54,759
Um...

350
00:23:01,599 --> 00:23:04,135
Did you guys
bring photos or...?

351
00:23:04,168 --> 00:23:06,637
Yes, yes. I...

352
00:23:06,671 --> 00:23:08,105
There was some talk
of maybe, uh...

353
00:23:09,707 --> 00:23:12,143
it would be good
to share them. I don't know.

354
00:23:12,176 --> 00:23:13,077
Gail, do you wanna...?

355
00:23:13,110 --> 00:23:16,914
And I also brought
other things to share.

356
00:23:16,948 --> 00:23:19,016
Yep. Kendra said
you might do that. Sure.

357
00:23:19,050 --> 00:23:20,851
Okay, good.

358
00:23:20,885 --> 00:23:22,954
I don't know
if this is a good time for...

359
00:23:22,987 --> 00:23:24,021
Do you wanna wait
till they go?

360
00:23:24,055 --> 00:23:25,122
No. I'm okay.

361
00:23:25,156 --> 00:23:26,190
No? Okay, so maybe
we should just...

362
00:23:26,223 --> 00:23:27,925
No. We agreed, so... here.

363
00:23:34,899 --> 00:23:36,233
Here. This is Sophie.

364
00:23:36,267 --> 00:23:38,703
- Oh.
- Oh.

365
00:23:38,736 --> 00:23:40,503
- Oh, she's beautiful.
- Oh, she's a young lady now.

366
00:23:40,537 --> 00:23:42,606
Yeah.
She's grown up a lot.

367
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:43,708
Oh, oh.

368
00:23:43,741 --> 00:23:44,875
Yeah.

369
00:23:44,909 --> 00:23:48,179
- Oh.
- And this is, uh...

370
00:23:54,251 --> 00:23:55,753
I'd like to see them.

371
00:23:57,621 --> 00:23:58,622
Okay.

372
00:24:00,858 --> 00:24:02,860
This is Evan
when he was three.

373
00:24:04,895 --> 00:24:08,065
- Oh, my goodness.
- What's he got there?

374
00:24:08,099 --> 00:24:09,700
- He's so sweet.
- It's, uh...

375
00:24:09,734 --> 00:24:11,635
It's one of those,
uh, roller thing...

376
00:24:11,669 --> 00:24:13,204
Push that thing everywhere

377
00:24:13,237 --> 00:24:14,805
and balls would bounce,
would pop.

378
00:24:14,839 --> 00:24:15,673
They'd pop out of it,
yeah. Yeah.

379
00:24:15,706 --> 00:24:16,941
Oh, right,
I remember those.

380
00:24:16,974 --> 00:24:18,876
Yeah, yeah.

381
00:24:18,909 --> 00:24:21,879
Do you have the...
his catcher picture?

382
00:24:21,912 --> 00:24:22,980
Bring the catcher picture?

383
00:24:23,014 --> 00:24:24,048
Yeah, we have it.
We brought it.

384
00:24:24,081 --> 00:24:25,515
Okay. You wanna...?

385
00:24:27,118 --> 00:24:28,953
Oh. Here it is.

386
00:24:28,986 --> 00:24:31,889
I think he was about 12.
Little League.

387
00:24:31,922 --> 00:24:32,957
Oh.

388
00:24:32,990 --> 00:24:34,125
He was a good athlete,
wasn't he?

389
00:24:34,158 --> 00:24:35,292
Yeah, he was really good
at sports.

390
00:24:35,326 --> 00:24:36,560
Look at him.

391
00:24:36,594 --> 00:24:37,661
I mean, he liked
a lot of things.

392
00:24:37,695 --> 00:24:39,196
He was, you know...

393
00:24:39,230 --> 00:24:42,800
Sung in a band, Model UN,
a lot of stuff.

394
00:24:42,833 --> 00:24:45,136
But, yeah, he was
a very good athlete.

395
00:24:45,169 --> 00:24:46,237
Oh.

396
00:24:46,270 --> 00:24:49,740
The... It's a funny thing,
but the catcher outfit...

397
00:24:49,774 --> 00:24:50,808
He didn't want
to play catcher.

398
00:24:50,841 --> 00:24:52,643
He just liked the gear.

399
00:24:52,676 --> 00:24:54,745
Oh, he liked the gear.

400
00:24:54,779 --> 00:24:55,813
- Yeah.
- Oh.

401
00:24:59,884 --> 00:25:03,788
So, um, do we have
one of all of us, or...?

402
00:25:03,821 --> 00:25:05,856
Of course. Lots.

403
00:25:05,890 --> 00:25:07,825
We had to print
a lot of photos out.

404
00:25:07,858 --> 00:25:08,893
Nobody has
photographs anymore.

405
00:25:08,926 --> 00:25:09,994
- Right?
- Yeah.

406
00:25:10,027 --> 00:25:11,729
It's nice to hold something.
Not just, you know...

407
00:25:11,762 --> 00:25:13,197
- It is.
- This is us.

408
00:25:15,099 --> 00:25:16,934
- That's...
- That's the last Christmas.

409
00:25:21,839 --> 00:25:27,711
Yeah, we were always...
We made them all dress up.

410
00:25:27,745 --> 00:25:30,247
"Cheesy," we're saying there.
We're not saying cheese.

411
00:25:30,281 --> 00:25:31,582
Our family never did.

412
00:25:33,184 --> 00:25:37,721
They thought we were so stupid
because... Ridiculous.

413
00:25:45,062 --> 00:25:46,163
I'm sorry.

414
00:25:46,197 --> 00:25:48,065
- It's okay.
- Yeah.

415
00:25:48,099 --> 00:25:50,234
- No, I'm sorry.
- Here.

416
00:25:50,267 --> 00:25:51,368
No, don't be, Linda.

417
00:25:51,402 --> 00:25:53,037
No, no, maybe we should...

418
00:25:53,070 --> 00:25:56,373
- Okay.
- I wanted to share too.

419
00:25:56,407 --> 00:25:59,743
No, I wanted to share
ours too, but...

420
00:26:03,380 --> 00:26:04,381
It's hard.

421
00:26:06,016 --> 00:26:07,017
It is.

422
00:26:16,727 --> 00:26:17,728
Honey?

423
00:26:29,974 --> 00:26:31,008
Thank you.

424
00:26:39,783 --> 00:26:40,918
I'm sorry.

425
00:26:41,919 --> 00:26:42,720
I...

426
00:26:45,789 --> 00:26:51,362
If I could just
show you something?

427
00:26:51,395 --> 00:26:52,963
No, we don't have to.

428
00:26:52,997 --> 00:26:55,132
- No?
- No, no, no, no.

429
00:26:55,166 --> 00:26:56,700
Maybe it wasn't a good idea.

430
00:26:58,169 --> 00:26:59,336
No, I want to.

431
00:27:02,273 --> 00:27:04,375
I brought something.

432
00:27:04,408 --> 00:27:07,978
Uh, it's easier.
It's not photos.

433
00:27:08,012 --> 00:27:10,181
But is that okay, Gail?

434
00:27:11,982 --> 00:27:13,083
Sure.

435
00:27:13,918 --> 00:27:15,085
Okay. Right.

436
00:27:16,086 --> 00:27:18,455
So, this is...

437
00:27:18,489 --> 00:27:19,823
Oh, wow.

438
00:27:19,857 --> 00:27:20,891
Yeah.

439
00:27:22,426 --> 00:27:26,997
He used to carry this
all the time.

440
00:27:27,031 --> 00:27:28,832
When? Fourth and
fifth grade, right?

441
00:27:28,866 --> 00:27:29,934
No, younger than that.

442
00:27:29,967 --> 00:27:31,268
What am I looking at?

443
00:27:31,302 --> 00:27:35,072
Well, he used to love
to collect snails.

444
00:27:35,105 --> 00:27:38,008
He was just fascinated
by snails.

445
00:27:38,042 --> 00:27:40,377
And he would collect them
in this jar.

446
00:27:43,347 --> 00:27:47,818
And he would carry them around
with him wherever he went.

447
00:27:47,851 --> 00:27:50,854
But, um, kids...
thought it was weird.

448
00:27:50,888 --> 00:27:52,223
It was, a little.

449
00:27:53,190 --> 00:27:55,426
He just loved them.

450
00:27:55,459 --> 00:27:58,829
But there were problems
with keeping them this way.

451
00:27:58,862 --> 00:28:01,498
He would just get
so upset, you know.

452
00:28:01,532 --> 00:28:06,470
And when snails break,
it's... No.

453
00:28:06,503 --> 00:28:09,907
So one day,
he showed up with this.

454
00:28:10,841 --> 00:28:13,077
Paper snails. See?

455
00:28:13,110 --> 00:28:16,113
- Yeah.
- There's leaves and a flower.

456
00:28:16,146 --> 00:28:17,982
And I think this is a rock.

457
00:28:18,015 --> 00:28:20,050
Uh-huh.

458
00:28:20,084 --> 00:28:23,053
- It's a garden for the snails.
- Right.

459
00:28:23,087 --> 00:28:27,258
And he said,
"This way, they won't die."

460
00:28:28,125 --> 00:28:31,528
I think it's so, so clever.

461
00:28:31,563 --> 00:28:32,930
Yeah, that is.

462
00:28:34,064 --> 00:28:37,067
I thought it...
I thought it was.

463
00:28:37,101 --> 00:28:41,538
And then when
I had my concerns...

464
00:28:41,573 --> 00:28:42,906
You did?

465
00:28:44,041 --> 00:28:45,242
Oh, not...

466
00:28:46,176 --> 00:28:47,911
About his sensitivity.

467
00:28:47,945 --> 00:28:49,346
Yeah.

468
00:28:49,380 --> 00:28:52,549
Although, really,
I was happy for him to...

469
00:28:52,584 --> 00:28:53,517
Find a solution.

470
00:28:53,550 --> 00:28:58,122
He was always determined
to find a solution.

471
00:29:01,492 --> 00:29:07,097
Yeah. I was happy that he was.

472
00:29:13,971 --> 00:29:15,339
Well, thank you.

473
00:29:16,574 --> 00:29:17,875
Thank you

474
00:29:17,908 --> 00:29:20,110
- for sharing that, Linda.
- Yeah.

475
00:29:20,144 --> 00:29:23,447
I just wanted to, um,
show you something.

476
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:24,815
Mmm-hmm.
- The...

477
00:29:34,626 --> 00:29:37,061
So, your daughter.
She's doing well?

478
00:29:37,094 --> 00:29:38,596
- Yeah.
- She's doing well, yes.

479
00:29:38,630 --> 00:29:41,365
Yeah, she's gonna
be fine. Yeah.

480
00:29:41,398 --> 00:29:45,035
She's a lot more sociable
than she was.

481
00:29:45,069 --> 00:29:46,970
Or she's, um...
Actually, we miss her.

482
00:29:47,004 --> 00:29:48,305
Now, she's out too much.

483
00:29:48,339 --> 00:29:49,607
She's dating.

484
00:29:49,641 --> 00:29:51,108
I don't know
if she's actually...

485
00:29:51,141 --> 00:29:52,610
She's dating.

486
00:29:52,644 --> 00:29:57,147
Oh. Well, there you go.
So she's, uh...

487
00:29:57,181 --> 00:29:58,082
Yeah.

488
00:29:58,115 --> 00:30:00,050
She's starting to be
a lot more herself.

489
00:30:00,084 --> 00:30:01,919
Oh. That's wonderful.

490
00:30:01,952 --> 00:30:04,421
Yeah. She's made
a lot of progress.

491
00:30:04,455 --> 00:30:06,558
Oh. That's wonderful.

492
00:30:06,591 --> 00:30:08,459
You mentioned to Linda

493
00:30:08,492 --> 00:30:11,596
that you've made
some progress yourself, um,

494
00:30:11,629 --> 00:30:13,097
in your letters.

495
00:30:13,130 --> 00:30:14,164
A therapist?

496
00:30:14,198 --> 00:30:16,601
Oh, I'm sorry,
I did share that.

497
00:30:16,634 --> 00:30:18,168
I did share it with him.

498
00:30:18,202 --> 00:30:20,104
She just mentioned.

499
00:30:20,137 --> 00:30:24,241
Um, you mentioned that you
found someone who's been...

500
00:30:24,274 --> 00:30:27,077
Yes, she's been very helpful.
That's right.

501
00:30:27,111 --> 00:30:27,945
That's good.

502
00:30:27,978 --> 00:30:31,649
Yeah, that's...
She's... She was...

503
00:30:31,683 --> 00:30:34,351
Well, she is a big reason
why we're here.

504
00:30:35,419 --> 00:30:37,622
Okay, so you both see her.

505
00:30:37,655 --> 00:30:39,089
Well, um...

506
00:30:40,090 --> 00:30:41,925
- We do.
- Yeah.

507
00:30:41,959 --> 00:30:43,595
Yeah. Yeah.

508
00:30:43,628 --> 00:30:50,067
And she has encouraged us
to express ourselves today,

509
00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:54,004
but not to interrogate,
that's important,

510
00:30:54,037 --> 00:30:57,709
to be curious,
and not defensive...

511
00:30:57,742 --> 00:30:59,076
Not vindictive.

512
00:31:00,377 --> 00:31:02,980
- She said "vindictive."
- Not defensive?

513
00:31:03,013 --> 00:31:05,015
No, if we are vindictive.

514
00:31:05,048 --> 00:31:06,550
All right. Sorry.

515
00:31:08,118 --> 00:31:09,520
It doesn't matter.

516
00:31:09,554 --> 00:31:13,591
The point is that
we're not here to attack you,

517
00:31:14,324 --> 00:31:15,560
and we've promised that.

518
00:31:15,593 --> 00:31:19,564
But we've felt everything
that we've said.

519
00:31:19,597 --> 00:31:22,065
Right? We're not...

520
00:31:22,099 --> 00:31:25,335
We're not going to apologize
for our feelings.

521
00:31:25,369 --> 00:31:26,638
Thank you for your honesty.

522
00:31:26,671 --> 00:31:29,139
We want to listen,

523
00:31:30,274 --> 00:31:31,576
and we want to heal.

524
00:31:31,609 --> 00:31:32,610
Of course.

525
00:31:33,645 --> 00:31:35,512
You know, your letters

526
00:31:36,547 --> 00:31:38,982
meant so much to me.

527
00:31:39,016 --> 00:31:42,152
Even the hard ones,
I really...

528
00:31:42,186 --> 00:31:44,421
I really appreciate them.

529
00:31:52,396 --> 00:31:56,701
We can tell that you've done
a lot of work, continue to,

530
00:31:56,734 --> 00:32:01,773
and I don't just mean
what you've done publicly.

531
00:32:01,806 --> 00:32:05,175
But it is admirable how you
put yourselves out there.

532
00:32:05,209 --> 00:32:06,644
Uh, we actually, Linda and I,

533
00:32:06,678 --> 00:32:08,713
have, um, followed
your work for years.

534
00:32:08,746 --> 00:32:10,447
- Right.
- Well, everyone's...

535
00:32:10,481 --> 00:32:13,116
- Yeah, everyone's, but...
- Well, thank you.

536
00:32:13,150 --> 00:32:17,555
But I... I don't get any
pleasure from it, you know.

537
00:32:17,589 --> 00:32:20,224
It can be defeating,
that kind of activism.

538
00:32:20,257 --> 00:32:22,426
Yes, it can,
but I don't like that word.

539
00:32:22,459 --> 00:32:24,361
I'm not...

540
00:32:24,394 --> 00:32:28,232
I wouldn't know what else
to do with myself.

541
00:32:28,265 --> 00:32:29,801
Your persistence is admirable.

542
00:32:29,834 --> 00:32:32,436
Well, thank you.

543
00:32:32,469 --> 00:32:36,574
But we're really not here
today to talk about that.

544
00:32:36,608 --> 00:32:38,141
Oh, I don't think
it's not relevant.

545
00:32:38,175 --> 00:32:40,410
You don't believe,
as a country,

546
00:32:40,444 --> 00:32:43,080
we are meeting
our obligations.

547
00:32:43,113 --> 00:32:45,617
Well, I didn't... That...
I was quoting President Obama.

548
00:32:45,650 --> 00:32:48,051
No, I don't. I think
we're killing each other.

549
00:32:48,085 --> 00:32:49,654
- We are.
- I don't disagree.

550
00:32:49,687 --> 00:32:51,623
But there are just
so many factors that...

551
00:32:51,656 --> 00:32:55,092
You know, it's not about
one thing or the other. It...

552
00:32:56,694 --> 00:32:58,095
Yeah. Sorry.

553
00:32:58,128 --> 00:33:00,531
No. Go ahead.

554
00:33:00,565 --> 00:33:03,433
It's just, I promised I
wouldn't talk about it today.

555
00:33:03,467 --> 00:33:05,435
- We don't have to.
- No.

556
00:33:07,538 --> 00:33:09,439
It's just...
Can I just say that

557
00:33:09,473 --> 00:33:12,309
it's not whether
it's one thing or the other.

558
00:33:12,342 --> 00:33:13,510
That's the fallacy.

559
00:33:13,544 --> 00:33:17,548
That's their whole
distraction, or defense.

560
00:33:17,582 --> 00:33:18,850
You know, "Don't look
over here by guns.

561
00:33:18,883 --> 00:33:20,752
"Look over there
by mental health,"

562
00:33:20,785 --> 00:33:23,320
as if, you know, it's not
possible to address both.

563
00:33:23,353 --> 00:33:24,488
It's insulting.

564
00:33:24,521 --> 00:33:27,659
Yes, we can. But if your child
wanted to hurt himself,

565
00:33:28,492 --> 00:33:29,326
would you only remove

566
00:33:29,359 --> 00:33:30,828
the dangerous items
from the house?

567
00:33:30,862 --> 00:33:33,831
No. You'd want to help him.

568
00:33:33,865 --> 00:33:35,567
You'd want to find out
what was wrong

569
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:36,433
and you'd want to change that.

570
00:33:36,466 --> 00:33:38,603
Hey, why are we
talking about this?

571
00:33:39,737 --> 00:33:41,204
What?

572
00:33:41,238 --> 00:33:42,506
Why are we talking about this?

573
00:33:42,539 --> 00:33:45,275
I didn't come here
to listen to this.

574
00:33:45,309 --> 00:33:48,378
Yeah, okay. I'm sorry.

575
00:33:50,848 --> 00:33:53,183
- I didn't mean to offend.
- Oh.

576
00:33:53,216 --> 00:33:56,854
I just think that we find,

577
00:33:56,888 --> 00:33:59,757
through blame,
our means to change,

578
00:33:59,791 --> 00:34:02,426
and I want to question that.

579
00:34:02,459 --> 00:34:05,529
I want to look at everything
because I blame myself,

580
00:34:06,263 --> 00:34:07,832
and I can't change that.

581
00:34:07,865 --> 00:34:09,901
What do you mean?

582
00:34:09,934 --> 00:34:11,002
- I can't...
- When you say that,

583
00:34:11,035 --> 00:34:14,237
what do you... What do you
mean when you say that?

584
00:34:17,307 --> 00:34:19,109
I can't change what I've done.

585
00:34:20,210 --> 00:34:21,713
You... So you blame yourself?

586
00:34:26,450 --> 00:34:27,819
I'm asking...

587
00:34:27,852 --> 00:34:29,519
- Do you blame yourself?
- Hey.

588
00:34:31,221 --> 00:34:32,155
No, I want to know.

589
00:34:32,189 --> 00:34:34,726
I didn't come here
to talk fucking politics.

590
00:34:34,759 --> 00:34:36,426
I wanna know.

591
00:34:36,460 --> 00:34:38,495
We don't wanna interrogate.

592
00:34:38,528 --> 00:34:41,498
I can imagine how hard it is
to live with his actions.

593
00:34:41,531 --> 00:34:43,300
- It is.
- But our loss...

594
00:34:46,704 --> 00:34:49,172
Please just tell me
what you mean by that.

595
00:34:50,675 --> 00:34:55,445
When you talk about blame
on your part,

596
00:34:55,479 --> 00:34:57,447
I want to know
what you're referring to.

597
00:34:57,481 --> 00:35:00,250
There is nothing that wasn't
covered in the depositions.

598
00:35:00,283 --> 00:35:02,654
But I want to hear it now.

599
00:35:03,755 --> 00:35:05,389
We never filed against you.

600
00:35:05,422 --> 00:35:07,257
We never took part
in any of that.

601
00:35:07,290 --> 00:35:09,560
Maybe a better way
than interrogating

602
00:35:09,594 --> 00:35:12,864
- is to learn what we remember.
- Fine. Fine.

603
00:35:12,897 --> 00:35:16,500
So... tell me
what you remember.

604
00:35:17,902 --> 00:35:19,503
Tell me about your son.

605
00:35:22,874 --> 00:35:23,808
What would you like to know?

606
00:35:23,841 --> 00:35:25,208
Everything, I want
to know everything.

607
00:35:25,242 --> 00:35:26,510
Why?

608
00:35:26,543 --> 00:35:27,912
Why do I want to know
about your son?

609
00:35:27,945 --> 00:35:29,346
Because he killed mine.

610
00:35:55,505 --> 00:35:57,608
How far back
would you like to go?

611
00:35:58,508 --> 00:35:59,677
Wherever you need.

612
00:36:01,344 --> 00:36:05,683
Because I can
tell you everything.

613
00:36:05,717 --> 00:36:08,251
But there's so much
that no one will ever know.

614
00:36:13,356 --> 00:36:18,663
He was shy, always.
Even as a baby.

615
00:36:18,696 --> 00:36:22,700
We watched him.
But I wasn't concerned.

616
00:36:22,734 --> 00:36:25,235
I saw things
that no one else saw.

617
00:36:26,369 --> 00:36:27,939
He didn't play well
with others.

618
00:36:27,972 --> 00:36:29,974
Not that he was mean.

619
00:36:30,007 --> 00:36:34,045
He just didn't seem
to know how to.

620
00:36:34,078 --> 00:36:36,748
And later, when he was older,
he only wanted to be outside.

621
00:36:36,781 --> 00:36:38,381
He loved the outdoors.

622
00:36:38,415 --> 00:36:40,517
I know this. No, I know this.

623
00:36:40,550 --> 00:36:43,054
I mean, he was shy,
he loved animals.

624
00:36:43,087 --> 00:36:46,289
I've read everything.

625
00:36:46,323 --> 00:36:47,759
I don't know what
you want me to say.

626
00:36:47,792 --> 00:36:49,794
What did worry you?

627
00:36:49,827 --> 00:36:52,997
You said you never worried,
but what scared you?

628
00:36:53,030 --> 00:36:55,967
My son never scared me
as a child.

629
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,568
The photographs I have,

630
00:36:57,602 --> 00:36:59,336
the ones we don't
want to look at...

631
00:36:59,369 --> 00:37:00,437
I don't need
to see them. Okay?

632
00:37:00,470 --> 00:37:02,907
- That's not why we...
- I don't need to see him.

633
00:37:02,940 --> 00:37:06,510
- Sure. Okay.
- I want to know what changed.

634
00:37:07,745 --> 00:37:11,749
When he was 13,
he started going online.

635
00:37:11,783 --> 00:37:14,384
He started that gaming
profile, that account.

636
00:37:14,417 --> 00:37:15,653
They weren't
violent games then.

637
00:37:15,686 --> 00:37:16,654
I know that, but...

638
00:37:16,687 --> 00:37:18,856
They were
fantasy games, like role-play.

639
00:37:18,890 --> 00:37:19,724
Yeah, I know that.
But it was still

640
00:37:19,757 --> 00:37:21,726
the same account
that he used later on.

641
00:37:21,759 --> 00:37:25,797
So I'm just asking,
what changed?

642
00:37:25,830 --> 00:37:26,831
That's very
hard to answer.

643
00:37:26,864 --> 00:37:29,432
- Well, please try.
- It's not just one thing.

644
00:37:29,466 --> 00:37:30,902
Then tell me
more than one thing.

645
00:37:30,935 --> 00:37:33,638
Okay, Gail.
Let's not do it like this.

646
00:37:33,671 --> 00:37:35,472
- Okay?
- Okay.

647
00:37:35,505 --> 00:37:37,074
All right.

648
00:37:37,108 --> 00:37:39,076
You're right.

649
00:37:39,110 --> 00:37:41,779
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, yeah. Just...

650
00:37:41,813 --> 00:37:43,815
We're not interrogating.

651
00:37:43,848 --> 00:37:45,315
Then what
are you doing?

652
00:37:47,118 --> 00:37:50,555
I say that as compassionately
as I can.

653
00:37:50,588 --> 00:37:52,757
What are we doing?

654
00:37:52,790 --> 00:37:55,793
You say you want to heal.
We all do.

655
00:37:56,526 --> 00:37:57,829
Is this how?

656
00:38:06,671 --> 00:38:11,742
I think, uh,
we wanna know why...

657
00:38:12,844 --> 00:38:14,979
How this happened.

658
00:38:15,012 --> 00:38:15,847
- Right?
- Mmm.

659
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:20,350
I mean, we...
We need to hear that.

660
00:38:21,518 --> 00:38:23,754
We need your help with that.

661
00:38:27,158 --> 00:38:28,693
I'm willing to help.

662
00:38:30,862 --> 00:38:32,395
We moved.

663
00:38:32,429 --> 00:38:33,865
You asked what changed.
We moved.

664
00:38:33,898 --> 00:38:35,532
We did,
but we can't be certain

665
00:38:35,566 --> 00:38:38,102
which changes
affected him most.

666
00:38:38,135 --> 00:38:40,771
The new school
with a new environment.

667
00:38:40,805 --> 00:38:41,839
It's very, very hard.

668
00:38:41,873 --> 00:38:44,642
Hayden didn't have
close friends,

669
00:38:44,675 --> 00:38:46,777
growing up,
as you probably know.

670
00:38:46,811 --> 00:38:48,846
But by middle school,
that mattered more,

671
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,915
and it affected him.

672
00:38:50,948 --> 00:38:53,718
A lot of things changed
at that age.

673
00:38:53,751 --> 00:38:55,019
I had a new job.

674
00:38:55,052 --> 00:38:56,654
Steven was applying
for colleges.

675
00:38:56,687 --> 00:39:00,892
So we were looking at tuition
costs, private schools.

676
00:39:04,494 --> 00:39:05,528
We moved.

677
00:39:07,598 --> 00:39:09,133
Our older house
had more space.

678
00:39:09,166 --> 00:39:11,434
Outdoors, but where
we moved to actually

679
00:39:11,468 --> 00:39:13,738
was a much bigger home.

680
00:39:14,504 --> 00:39:16,073
That's true.

681
00:39:16,107 --> 00:39:18,541
But where we were
had a great backyard.

682
00:39:18,576 --> 00:39:19,844
The new neighborhood
was very nice.

683
00:39:19,877 --> 00:39:21,178
It was just more suburban.

684
00:39:22,847 --> 00:39:23,948
Plots.

685
00:39:26,516 --> 00:39:28,686
There wasn't the freedom
he was used to.

686
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:29,921
But it was nice.

687
00:39:33,224 --> 00:39:34,659
It was, Richard.

688
00:39:34,692 --> 00:39:36,127
The new school
was very hard for him,

689
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,963
seventh grade in particular.
Bullying.

690
00:39:38,996 --> 00:39:40,497
Yes, it was...
it was very bad.

691
00:39:40,530 --> 00:39:45,169
Yes. And the boys were
a few years apart.

692
00:39:45,202 --> 00:39:48,806
So Steven, who was really
thriving in high school,

693
00:39:48,839 --> 00:39:50,808
he didn't have a lot
to give Hayden

694
00:39:50,841 --> 00:39:53,044
at that time, unfortunately.

695
00:39:55,012 --> 00:39:59,083
Sometimes I wish that
the boys had been closer,

696
00:39:59,116 --> 00:40:02,186
closer in age so that they
could've shared friends.

697
00:40:14,198 --> 00:40:20,905
We never planned or expected
to have another.

698
00:40:24,541 --> 00:40:26,610
I think
he was lonely, uh,

699
00:40:26,644 --> 00:40:30,982
and I think he missed
how things were.

700
00:40:31,015 --> 00:40:32,149
And that's when
he began to spend

701
00:40:32,183 --> 00:40:33,985
more time on the computer.

702
00:40:35,753 --> 00:40:38,856
The games, you know,
we thought they were creative.

703
00:40:38,889 --> 00:40:43,526
We...
We encouraged them at first.

704
00:40:43,561 --> 00:40:45,563
He could make choices.

705
00:40:45,596 --> 00:40:48,199
He could be whatever
he wanted to be.

706
00:40:48,232 --> 00:40:54,138
And we could hear him
playing with others,

707
00:40:54,171 --> 00:40:57,775
and he would laugh,
which made me...

708
00:41:00,711 --> 00:41:02,580
I'm very sorry.

709
00:41:02,613 --> 00:41:05,016
Uh, and he was
doing well in school.

710
00:41:05,049 --> 00:41:08,819
I mean, yeah, which
was confusing and misleading.

711
00:41:08,853 --> 00:41:10,087
He always had
very good grades.

712
00:41:10,121 --> 00:41:12,656
- He was first...
- Yeah, I know.

713
00:41:12,690 --> 00:41:15,259
- I'm sorry. I... I just...
- That's fine.

714
00:41:15,292 --> 00:41:17,128
We had nothing to do
with publishing his grades

715
00:41:17,161 --> 00:41:18,162
or scores, any of that.

716
00:41:18,195 --> 00:41:20,164
Yeah, well, you didn't
speak out about anything.

717
00:41:20,197 --> 00:41:21,265
I was only saying that...

718
00:41:21,298 --> 00:41:25,870
Well, we mistakenly thought
his grades were a sign

719
00:41:25,903 --> 00:41:27,238
that things were okay.

720
00:41:27,271 --> 00:41:29,240
- That's not all.
- It is, Richard.

721
00:41:29,273 --> 00:41:30,875
We thought that's
what mattered.

722
00:41:30,908 --> 00:41:32,977
He wasn't fitting in. It hurt.

723
00:41:33,911 --> 00:41:34,745
The good grades made us

724
00:41:34,779 --> 00:41:36,147
- look past some of it.
- Okay.

725
00:41:36,180 --> 00:41:37,715
Why didn't the school
say anything?

726
00:41:37,748 --> 00:41:38,783
This was middle school.

727
00:41:38,816 --> 00:41:40,317
I know. But why?

728
00:41:40,351 --> 00:41:42,720
The school couldn't
be bothered.

729
00:41:42,753 --> 00:41:46,824
He was quiet,
and he was doing well.

730
00:41:46,857 --> 00:41:49,026
He didn't require attention.

731
00:41:51,162 --> 00:41:52,329
But there was a teacher,

732
00:41:52,363 --> 00:41:54,065
a math teacher
in the eighth grade...

733
00:41:54,098 --> 00:41:55,099
Linda.

734
00:41:57,101 --> 00:41:58,102
No.

735
00:42:00,304 --> 00:42:01,839
Hayden loved him.

736
00:42:02,940 --> 00:42:05,309
I don't know
what the connection was,

737
00:42:05,342 --> 00:42:07,711
or why it was so great.

738
00:42:07,745 --> 00:42:11,749
But he made him feel confident
when he didn't.

739
00:42:13,951 --> 00:42:15,286
I wish I had...

740
00:42:17,721 --> 00:42:20,324
When he was really
struggling later on,

741
00:42:20,357 --> 00:42:22,660
I tried to see
if he could talk to him.

742
00:42:22,693 --> 00:42:25,596
But he had left for another
school. And I didn't...

743
00:42:29,767 --> 00:42:31,836
I gave up looking
for him. I...

744
00:42:35,106 --> 00:42:36,707
- I'm sorry.
- That's... That's okay.

745
00:42:36,740 --> 00:42:40,277
He was teased because
he had other interests.

746
00:42:40,311 --> 00:42:42,179
I think it made
him embarrassed

747
00:42:42,213 --> 00:42:43,314
to have those other interests.

748
00:42:43,347 --> 00:42:46,317
He saw being different
as a deficit,

749
00:42:46,350 --> 00:42:49,286
and we didn't know it
or realize it

750
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,255
until he showed signs
of depression.

751
00:42:52,957 --> 00:42:55,993
He didn't strike you
as being sad before?

752
00:42:56,026 --> 00:42:58,229
Quiet, but no.

753
00:42:58,262 --> 00:43:00,097
- Violent?
- No, not then.

754
00:43:00,131 --> 00:43:03,000
When we grew concerned,
we got help.

755
00:43:03,033 --> 00:43:04,435
When was that?

756
00:43:04,468 --> 00:43:06,337
His medical records
were made public.

757
00:43:06,370 --> 00:43:08,105
We know the timeline.
We read everything.

758
00:43:08,139 --> 00:43:10,174
- We want...
- But what specifically?

759
00:43:10,207 --> 00:43:12,376
It was his
unwillingness to do things.

760
00:43:12,409 --> 00:43:15,779
When Steven left for college,

761
00:43:15,813 --> 00:43:18,015
he became angry
at our attention for him.

762
00:43:18,048 --> 00:43:19,783
What would be wrong with that?

763
00:43:19,817 --> 00:43:22,052
I think he resented
our concern.

764
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,022
He wouldn't even
let us touch him.

765
00:43:25,055 --> 00:43:27,124
So that's when
you got him help?

766
00:43:27,158 --> 00:43:28,792
Eventually.

767
00:43:28,826 --> 00:43:30,895
- He didn't want to...
- He never did.

768
00:43:30,928 --> 00:43:32,830
We finally forced him
to see someone.

769
00:43:32,863 --> 00:43:34,231
And we didn't feel
we had a choice.

770
00:43:34,265 --> 00:43:35,699
But he begged us to stop.

771
00:43:35,733 --> 00:43:38,836
He pleaded with us
to let him be normal,

772
00:43:38,869 --> 00:43:41,172
or that he didn't
need it anymore.

773
00:43:43,007 --> 00:43:46,744
He said the sessions
made him feel not...

774
00:43:47,411 --> 00:43:48,412
What?

775
00:43:52,082 --> 00:43:53,751
Not human.

776
00:43:55,519 --> 00:43:56,754
He said that?

777
00:43:59,290 --> 00:44:01,458
The therapist said
he needs to stop isolating.

778
00:44:01,492 --> 00:44:04,461
It's only reinforcing
his negative expectations.

779
00:44:04,495 --> 00:44:08,299
All this time online is not
enhancing his relationships.

780
00:44:08,332 --> 00:44:09,366
It's making him lonelier.

781
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,435
So, you just let him
stop going?

782
00:44:11,468 --> 00:44:12,637
For a while.

783
00:44:12,671 --> 00:44:16,140
And then things would change
or something would happen...

784
00:44:16,173 --> 00:44:18,142
- Like the pipe bomb.
- ...and we'd go through it

785
00:44:18,175 --> 00:44:19,343
again. Yes. Yes.

786
00:44:19,376 --> 00:44:21,045
That certainly
had consequences.

787
00:44:21,078 --> 00:44:22,046
Consequences.

788
00:44:22,079 --> 00:44:25,182
At the time, it did.
He was arrested.

789
00:44:25,216 --> 00:44:26,850
There was no consequence.

790
00:44:26,884 --> 00:44:30,721
I know how that sounds,
but we were devastated.

791
00:44:31,355 --> 00:44:33,157
And we tried everything.

792
00:44:33,190 --> 00:44:34,525
Was the doctor good enough?

793
00:44:34,559 --> 00:44:36,293
Would they get
the prescription right?

794
00:44:36,327 --> 00:44:38,162
Did they take insurance?

795
00:44:38,195 --> 00:44:39,863
I mean, of course
we would have paid anything,

796
00:44:39,897 --> 00:44:42,199
but it was expensive.

797
00:44:42,233 --> 00:44:46,170
I'm just saying, this was
the reality of how it was,

798
00:44:46,203 --> 00:44:48,105
how defeating,

799
00:44:48,138 --> 00:44:51,809
and even with all
the professional advice,

800
00:44:51,842 --> 00:44:54,812
it came down
to the two of us alone,

801
00:44:54,845 --> 00:44:56,247
making the choices.

802
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,950
And we tried,
over and over again.

803
00:44:59,984 --> 00:45:01,952
- You can see.
- It's true.

804
00:45:01,986 --> 00:45:03,454
There is no new information

805
00:45:03,487 --> 00:45:05,557
regarding his criminal
or medical records.

806
00:45:05,590 --> 00:45:07,258
You have access to everything.

807
00:45:07,291 --> 00:45:08,325
Why didn't you
tell the school?

808
00:45:08,359 --> 00:45:10,060
This was high school.

809
00:45:13,230 --> 00:45:14,431
We didn't have to.

810
00:45:15,866 --> 00:45:16,967
He had just
started there...

811
00:45:17,001 --> 00:45:18,269
- What?
- ...and...

812
00:45:19,970 --> 00:45:23,407
I didn't want it
to reflect badly on him.

813
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,009
If we thought
he was dangerous...

814
00:45:25,042 --> 00:45:26,410
Oh, God.

815
00:45:27,945 --> 00:45:30,014
- I'm sorry.
- As long as he completed

816
00:45:30,047 --> 00:45:31,181
- his program, his reports...
- Jesus Christ.

817
00:45:31,215 --> 00:45:33,117
The program was a joke.

818
00:45:33,150 --> 00:45:35,286
They made mistakes.
They missed things.

819
00:45:35,319 --> 00:45:36,420
We all did.

820
00:45:38,322 --> 00:45:39,490
But he was lying.

821
00:45:40,324 --> 00:45:41,492
What?

822
00:45:41,525 --> 00:45:43,360
Did you know that?

823
00:45:43,394 --> 00:45:46,997
I suspected that he
was holding things back,

824
00:45:47,031 --> 00:45:49,400
but I never, never
could have believed...

825
00:45:49,433 --> 00:45:51,368
I understand
not speaking publicly

826
00:45:51,402 --> 00:45:52,836
made it look like
we had secrets.

827
00:45:52,870 --> 00:45:54,572
I don't... I'm...
It's not secrets

828
00:45:54,606 --> 00:45:57,508
that I have doubts
about, though.

829
00:45:57,541 --> 00:46:01,945
Or facts. It's... Knowing.

830
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:06,850
It's parents' intuition, hmm?

831
00:46:06,884 --> 00:46:09,119
You feel it.
It should hurt you.

832
00:46:10,154 --> 00:46:11,221
It did.

833
00:46:11,255 --> 00:46:12,956
And we got him help.

834
00:46:12,990 --> 00:46:15,025
We didn't know.

835
00:46:15,059 --> 00:46:16,594
And everything that
happened afterwards,

836
00:46:16,628 --> 00:46:18,395
the lawsuits, the media,

837
00:46:18,429 --> 00:46:21,398
the hate that flooded
into our lives,

838
00:46:21,432 --> 00:46:25,102
never once did we feel ready
or prepared for any of it.

839
00:46:25,135 --> 00:46:27,237
We just did the best
to survive.

840
00:46:27,271 --> 00:46:28,573
So why not speak?

841
00:46:28,606 --> 00:46:30,441
Because I didn't
have an answer.

842
00:46:30,474 --> 00:46:33,310
Why not help prevent this
from happening again?

843
00:46:33,344 --> 00:46:34,545
Because I don't know how.

844
00:46:34,579 --> 00:46:36,947
That's why
you didn't speak.

845
00:46:36,980 --> 00:46:39,516
You had no answers. No idea.

846
00:46:39,550 --> 00:46:44,355
Just understand that until
the civil statutes ran out,

847
00:46:44,388 --> 00:46:46,323
we were rarely given
permission to speak.

848
00:46:46,357 --> 00:46:50,127
Even our apologies
had to be worded.

849
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,663
Linda couldn't join
a mothers' support group

850
00:46:51,696 --> 00:46:52,930
because they worried that

851
00:46:52,963 --> 00:46:54,365
she'd put the other women
at risk.

852
00:46:54,398 --> 00:46:56,601
- At risk?
- Of being deposed.

853
00:46:57,968 --> 00:46:59,069
I didn't know that.

854
00:47:11,683 --> 00:47:13,150
Well, look...

855
00:47:14,952 --> 00:47:17,221
A lot of what happened in
the aftermath was wrong.

856
00:47:18,556 --> 00:47:22,393
We know now a lot of mistakes
were made,

857
00:47:22,426 --> 00:47:23,695
even from the beginning,

858
00:47:23,728 --> 00:47:26,230
just institutionally,
legally, everything.

859
00:47:27,264 --> 00:47:29,333
But we didn't sue

860
00:47:29,366 --> 00:47:31,034
and we're not gonna.

861
00:47:31,068 --> 00:47:34,171
We signed all those waivers
for today.

862
00:47:36,140 --> 00:47:37,975
We didn't want anything.

863
00:47:38,008 --> 00:47:40,578
We wanted Evan back.

864
00:47:40,612 --> 00:47:44,014
Yeah,
and that was impossible.

865
00:47:44,047 --> 00:47:47,151
In hindsight, we would have
done things differently.

866
00:47:47,184 --> 00:47:50,187
The authorities would have,
too. There was negligence.

867
00:47:50,220 --> 00:47:52,624
That was the basis
of all the settlements, but...

868
00:47:55,660 --> 00:47:58,462
Where's your regret?

869
00:47:58,495 --> 00:48:00,998
That's what we want
to see. Right?

870
00:48:01,031 --> 00:48:02,600
Where is your regret?

871
00:48:04,134 --> 00:48:05,235
I regret everything.

872
00:48:06,370 --> 00:48:09,540
The worst outcome
imaginable happened.

873
00:48:09,574 --> 00:48:10,575
Any change I might have made

874
00:48:10,608 --> 00:48:12,376
could have resulted
in a different outcome.

875
00:48:12,409 --> 00:48:14,311
I regret everything.

876
00:48:14,344 --> 00:48:15,747
How can you be
so matter-of-fact?

877
00:48:15,780 --> 00:48:17,414
How else can I be?

878
00:48:17,448 --> 00:48:20,217
I don't know. The way you can
just talk about it so...

879
00:48:21,351 --> 00:48:25,022
Look, we decided
against litigation.

880
00:48:25,055 --> 00:48:28,125
But that doesn't mean
that we don't

881
00:48:28,158 --> 00:48:31,061
want to see you in pain.

882
00:48:31,094 --> 00:48:33,665
We want to see you punished.

883
00:48:33,698 --> 00:48:35,532
We want to see that you hurt.

884
00:48:35,567 --> 00:48:37,367
- Like everyone else.
- Like everyone else.

885
00:48:37,401 --> 00:48:39,737
- Like you.
- Yeah, like me, like us.

886
00:48:39,771 --> 00:48:42,674
Like our daughter,
who doesn't sleep.

887
00:48:42,707 --> 00:48:43,741
Jay...

888
00:48:49,179 --> 00:48:50,180
Fine.

889
00:48:51,783 --> 00:48:56,420
Okay, he has this boy
who makes a pipe bomb,

890
00:48:56,453 --> 00:48:58,623
a pipe bomb.

891
00:48:58,656 --> 00:49:01,191
And he's arrested.
He was put in this program.

892
00:49:01,225 --> 00:49:02,392
I was scared.

893
00:49:04,394 --> 00:49:05,630
What?

894
00:49:08,465 --> 00:49:09,767
We were, Richard.

895
00:49:12,069 --> 00:49:13,103
We were scared.

896
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:16,473
I was scared.

897
00:49:17,307 --> 00:49:18,710
You were?

898
00:49:18,743 --> 00:49:19,878
I was.

899
00:49:19,911 --> 00:49:22,546
He told us before
he had contemplated suicide.

900
00:49:22,580 --> 00:49:23,748
But it was only on that test

901
00:49:23,781 --> 00:49:25,717
that he mentioned
thoughts of homicide.

902
00:49:25,750 --> 00:49:28,085
We were scared.

903
00:49:28,118 --> 00:49:30,588
But I was trying to see
the best possible outcome.

904
00:49:30,622 --> 00:49:32,055
We should have done
something then.

905
00:49:32,089 --> 00:49:33,123
- Now...
- We should have,

906
00:49:33,156 --> 00:49:34,224
we should have...

907
00:49:34,258 --> 00:49:36,794
Of course now,
but what?

908
00:49:36,828 --> 00:49:39,463
And I couldn't accept that he
would throw away his future

909
00:49:39,496 --> 00:49:41,733
because of a homemade bomb,
Linda. Please.

910
00:49:41,766 --> 00:49:44,602
Where did this interest
in bombs come from?

911
00:49:44,636 --> 00:49:46,169
Didn't it surprise you at all?

912
00:49:46,203 --> 00:49:47,204
- Yes.
- We didn't know,

913
00:49:47,237 --> 00:49:49,239
anywhere. Yes. It surprised
us. It shocked us.

914
00:49:49,273 --> 00:49:50,340
He said
he read it online.

915
00:49:50,374 --> 00:49:51,375
He said he was bored.

916
00:49:51,408 --> 00:49:52,810
He said it was
just something to do.

917
00:49:52,844 --> 00:49:53,711
"I'm not the only one."

918
00:49:53,745 --> 00:49:56,480
- What?
- Yes, that's what he said.

919
00:49:56,513 --> 00:49:59,516
And once he'd made it,
he figured he'd set it off.

920
00:49:59,550 --> 00:50:01,786
He went back to the woods.

921
00:50:01,819 --> 00:50:03,287
Where we used to live.

922
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:04,656
No one was around.

923
00:50:04,689 --> 00:50:06,624
He wasn't trying to...

924
00:50:06,658 --> 00:50:07,792
He didn't...

925
00:50:09,894 --> 00:50:13,430
We hoped it was
what he said it was.

926
00:50:13,463 --> 00:50:16,333
Later on, when we found
more plans in his room,

927
00:50:16,366 --> 00:50:20,170
he said there was good money
in artillery engineering,

928
00:50:20,203 --> 00:50:21,405
working in the
Defense Department.

929
00:50:21,438 --> 00:50:22,574
That was his excuse.

930
00:50:22,607 --> 00:50:24,207
You couldn't have
believed that.

931
00:50:24,241 --> 00:50:25,409
We knew
nothing about it.

932
00:50:25,442 --> 00:50:26,878
After everything, no.

933
00:50:26,911 --> 00:50:29,313
How could you
have believed that?

934
00:50:29,346 --> 00:50:30,815
Because I wanted to.

935
00:50:32,750 --> 00:50:34,686
He told me things.

936
00:50:35,385 --> 00:50:36,386
He did.

937
00:50:38,322 --> 00:50:40,123
I thought he confided in me.

938
00:50:42,894 --> 00:50:47,297
But now I know that some
of the things he told me were

939
00:50:47,331 --> 00:50:49,466
purposefully deceitful,

940
00:50:51,301 --> 00:50:52,502
to keep me away.

941
00:50:55,505 --> 00:50:58,375
We really did think
he was turning things around.

942
00:50:59,376 --> 00:51:01,211
We had plans for the summer.

943
00:51:01,913 --> 00:51:03,280
For college.

944
00:51:06,818 --> 00:51:11,455
We were told that once...

945
00:51:15,525 --> 00:51:17,562
I'm sorry.

946
00:51:17,595 --> 00:51:20,530
...once someone
decides their fate,

947
00:51:20,565 --> 00:51:22,634
they do find some happiness.

948
00:51:23,768 --> 00:51:25,670
They can even appear euphoric.

949
00:51:28,271 --> 00:51:31,776
Those last few months,
we were happy.

950
00:51:36,848 --> 00:51:39,182
He checked off
homicidal thoughts.

951
00:51:39,216 --> 00:51:40,718
His therapist said
that was normal.

952
00:51:40,752 --> 00:51:41,786
Normal?

953
00:51:41,819 --> 00:51:42,854
For a young man
to be angry.

954
00:51:42,887 --> 00:51:46,289
Why ask the question
if you choose to ignore it?

955
00:51:46,323 --> 00:51:48,358
Your neighbor
called the police.

956
00:51:48,392 --> 00:51:49,794
He called us, not the police.

957
00:51:49,827 --> 00:51:51,161
About a year before.

958
00:51:51,729 --> 00:51:53,330
That was a bad night.

959
00:51:53,363 --> 00:51:54,599
We would try to calm him down,

960
00:51:54,632 --> 00:51:58,301
minimize whatever it was
that was bothering him.

961
00:51:58,335 --> 00:51:59,637
I think that, in the end,

962
00:51:59,671 --> 00:52:01,906
it may have only
intensified his feelings.

963
00:52:04,241 --> 00:52:05,509
He could be frightening.

964
00:52:05,542 --> 00:52:08,311
He would
get frustrated, easily.

965
00:52:08,345 --> 00:52:10,648
Frustrated with things
he couldn't figure out.

966
00:52:10,682 --> 00:52:12,617
And that would...

967
00:52:12,650 --> 00:52:13,618
- Embarrass him.
- Yes.

968
00:52:13,651 --> 00:52:17,622
And it was always hard for him
to ask for help.

969
00:52:19,256 --> 00:52:21,893
But eventually, he just...

970
00:52:21,926 --> 00:52:24,461
...stopped asking entirely.

971
00:52:28,900 --> 00:52:32,603
Maybe my expectations
for him were too high.

972
00:52:32,637 --> 00:52:37,642
I'd let it go,
thinking not to bother him.

973
00:52:37,675 --> 00:52:38,976
But then, I...

974
00:52:42,279 --> 00:52:44,214
I'd just be letting him go.

975
00:52:52,456 --> 00:52:54,324
Look,
I've done my accounting.

976
00:52:54,357 --> 00:52:55,893
There isn't a criticism
I haven't heard

977
00:52:55,927 --> 00:52:58,328
or placed upon myself.

978
00:52:58,361 --> 00:53:00,464
We were not impassive,
as you've said.

979
00:53:00,497 --> 00:53:01,632
- What...?
- Indifferent.

980
00:53:01,666 --> 00:53:03,366
You didn't speak out.
You said nothing.

981
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:06,269
- We released a statement.
- That's bullshit.

982
00:53:06,303 --> 00:53:07,672
"Thoughts and prayers."
That's it?

983
00:53:07,705 --> 00:53:09,339
When we asked for privacy,

984
00:53:09,372 --> 00:53:10,742
we were accused
of hiding something.

985
00:53:10,775 --> 00:53:13,044
You didn't deserve privacy.
You don't deserve privacy.

986
00:53:13,077 --> 00:53:14,946
You should have
said something.

987
00:53:14,979 --> 00:53:16,480
What should we say?

988
00:53:16,513 --> 00:53:17,648
- I'm asking you.
- You...

989
00:53:17,682 --> 00:53:18,616
No, I'm asking you. No.

990
00:53:18,649 --> 00:53:19,617
- No, no. What would we say?
- I don't know.

991
00:53:19,650 --> 00:53:20,484
You said that when it
happened, you weren't...

992
00:53:20,517 --> 00:53:22,452
I'm asking you.
What should we say?

993
00:53:22,486 --> 00:53:23,688
That when it happened,

994
00:53:23,721 --> 00:53:25,556
- that some part of you knew.
- No.

995
00:53:25,590 --> 00:53:27,759
What should we say?

996
00:53:27,792 --> 00:53:28,960
That when it happened,

997
00:53:28,993 --> 00:53:31,763
that some part of you
wasn't surprised.

998
00:53:31,796 --> 00:53:33,430
We were surprised.

999
00:53:35,432 --> 00:53:37,400
We didn't know what happened.

1000
00:53:37,434 --> 00:53:38,803
I still don't know.

1001
00:53:38,836 --> 00:53:41,973
I came home from work
and the phone rang.

1002
00:53:42,006 --> 00:53:47,444
His friend called the house
to see if he was there.

1003
00:53:47,477 --> 00:53:49,781
I said, "Aren't you
both in school?"

1004
00:53:49,814 --> 00:53:51,616
I didn't...

1005
00:53:51,649 --> 00:53:54,317
He said he hadn't
seen Hayden all day,

1006
00:53:54,351 --> 00:53:55,653
that something happened.

1007
00:53:55,686 --> 00:53:57,454
Something was happening.

1008
00:53:57,487 --> 00:53:59,489
I had no idea...

1009
00:53:59,523 --> 00:54:01,559
Even when I turned on
the television.

1010
00:54:01,592 --> 00:54:04,829
I saw the school from above.

1011
00:54:04,862 --> 00:54:06,731
I... I...

1012
00:54:06,764 --> 00:54:09,567
...what he could have
been talking about.

1013
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:10,968
We didn't know.

1014
00:54:13,871 --> 00:54:16,540
His friend.
This was Alex. Right?

1015
00:54:16,574 --> 00:54:18,341
- Yes.
- Yeah. Who knew.

1016
00:54:18,375 --> 00:54:19,911
No. He suspected.

1017
00:54:19,944 --> 00:54:21,511
They were
his father's guns.

1018
00:54:21,545 --> 00:54:23,648
He didn't know
Hayden had taken them.

1019
00:54:23,681 --> 00:54:26,516
He thought... He thought
to ask you to go look.

1020
00:54:26,550 --> 00:54:27,417
So he must have
thought about it...

1021
00:54:27,450 --> 00:54:29,720
He asked
because it had happened.

1022
00:54:29,754 --> 00:54:31,989
He was there.
None of us knew yet.

1023
00:54:32,023 --> 00:54:33,456
"Go and look in his bedroom."

1024
00:54:33,490 --> 00:54:34,892
- He said... The closet.
- Yes. Yes.

1025
00:54:34,926 --> 00:54:36,060
It was Alex.

1026
00:54:36,093 --> 00:54:37,995
He said he wasn't
answering his phone

1027
00:54:38,029 --> 00:54:39,096
and that no one had seen him,

1028
00:54:39,130 --> 00:54:40,198
could I check?

1029
00:54:40,231 --> 00:54:43,568
Yes. I didn't understand
what I was even looking for.

1030
00:54:43,601 --> 00:54:45,535
I thought he would tell me.

1031
00:54:45,570 --> 00:54:49,607
He just kept crying
and saying, "I'm sorry."

1032
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:51,676
I thought he did something.

1033
00:54:51,709 --> 00:54:52,710
We all did.

1034
00:54:55,980 --> 00:54:59,150
None of us knew that
Alex's family had guns

1035
00:54:59,183 --> 00:55:01,018
or that Hayden had used them.

1036
00:55:01,052 --> 00:55:03,721
We learned all of that after.

1037
00:55:03,754 --> 00:55:06,123
Where were you when...?

1038
00:55:11,028 --> 00:55:12,529
I was working.

1039
00:55:14,866 --> 00:55:16,767
I have events out of order,

1040
00:55:17,835 --> 00:55:18,870
apparently.

1041
00:55:20,537 --> 00:55:21,939
Um...

1042
00:55:23,540 --> 00:55:26,644
A friend, a colleague,
called me out of my office,

1043
00:55:26,677 --> 00:55:29,146
- and the television was on...
- Wait, wait. Stop. Stop.

1044
00:55:29,180 --> 00:55:31,916
We don't wanna hear...
We don't need to hear this.

1045
00:55:31,949 --> 00:55:33,550
We just want to know
why you didn't do something,

1046
00:55:33,584 --> 00:55:34,752
why you couldn't
say something.

1047
00:55:34,785 --> 00:55:35,920
I want to.

1048
00:55:35,953 --> 00:55:38,022
- What?
- I want to hear.

1049
00:55:38,055 --> 00:55:39,557
What's the point? Why?

1050
00:55:39,590 --> 00:55:41,959
I know. I want to hear.

1051
00:55:52,502 --> 00:55:53,638
I called you.

1052
00:55:53,671 --> 00:55:54,906
Yes. But it was...

1053
00:55:55,907 --> 00:55:57,540
hard for us to speak.

1054
00:55:57,575 --> 00:55:59,476
I tried,
but I couldn't.

1055
00:55:59,509 --> 00:56:03,413
I could tell.
So I feared the worst.

1056
00:56:04,481 --> 00:56:05,783
But I hadn't...

1057
00:56:07,517 --> 00:56:10,788
You said, "He was never here."

1058
00:56:10,821 --> 00:56:12,957
His room. It was...

1059
00:56:13,891 --> 00:56:15,525
His bed was made,

1060
00:56:15,559 --> 00:56:19,697
and there was this notebook
on his pillow.

1061
00:56:19,730 --> 00:56:22,033
I'd never seen it before.

1062
00:56:22,066 --> 00:56:25,770
It was worn and marked.

1063
00:56:26,671 --> 00:56:29,206
Oh, I was so scared.

1064
00:56:29,240 --> 00:56:32,810
It must have been there
all day, all night.

1065
00:56:32,843 --> 00:56:36,647
I didn't know what
she had seen yet.

1066
00:56:36,681 --> 00:56:37,915
I was just trying to get home.

1067
00:56:37,949 --> 00:56:40,618
And at one point, I thought,

1068
00:56:40,651 --> 00:56:44,622
"Why am I going home?
I need to get to the school."

1069
00:56:45,790 --> 00:56:49,694
And then I got a call
from my sister.

1070
00:56:49,727 --> 00:56:52,797
She kept telling me
to pull over,

1071
00:56:52,830 --> 00:56:53,898
and I said I will not.

1072
00:56:53,931 --> 00:56:57,735
I would not stop driving,
and then

1073
00:56:57,768 --> 00:56:59,837
we were both crying.

1074
00:57:01,005 --> 00:57:02,073
So I just...

1075
00:57:05,810 --> 00:57:07,178
I don't remember.

1076
00:57:09,046 --> 00:57:10,681
I pulled on to our street,

1077
00:57:10,715 --> 00:57:14,785
and I guess that's where
I wanted to go, and...

1078
00:57:14,819 --> 00:57:16,687
- But I was too late.
- Hmm.

1079
00:57:16,721 --> 00:57:18,823
Hundreds of them,
all in black.

1080
00:57:18,856 --> 00:57:21,659
So sudden, and helicopters...

1081
00:57:21,692 --> 00:57:22,827
Couldn't get near
our driveway,

1082
00:57:22,860 --> 00:57:24,562
so I just left the car.

1083
00:57:24,595 --> 00:57:26,130
I still don't know
who moved it back.

1084
00:57:26,163 --> 00:57:27,164
Yeah.

1085
00:57:29,066 --> 00:57:30,201
They kept us apart.

1086
00:57:30,234 --> 00:57:34,672
They made me wait outside
while they searched the house.

1087
00:57:36,007 --> 00:57:38,609
They kept me in the backyard.

1088
00:57:38,642 --> 00:57:42,713
I kept saying
it was a mistake. It was...

1089
00:57:42,747 --> 00:57:46,884
There was a young policeman
watching me

1090
00:57:46,917 --> 00:57:48,285
to make sure I didn't,

1091
00:57:48,319 --> 00:57:51,756
I learned this after,
hurt myself.

1092
00:57:52,757 --> 00:57:56,127
Finally, I said,
"Is my son dead?"

1093
00:58:00,865 --> 00:58:03,601
And he said,

1094
00:58:03,634 --> 00:58:05,903
not unkindly,

1095
00:58:05,936 --> 00:58:07,004
"Yes.

1096
00:58:08,105 --> 00:58:10,074
"But that's all
I can tell you."

1097
00:58:11,075 --> 00:58:12,542
As if...

1098
00:58:16,981 --> 00:58:19,617
It was wrong what
they did, keeping us apart.

1099
00:58:19,650 --> 00:58:21,118
It was wrong.

1100
00:58:21,152 --> 00:58:22,987
It was, Richard.

1101
00:58:23,020 --> 00:58:25,723
Yeah,
they didn't have to.

1102
00:58:25,756 --> 00:58:29,693
I kept asking, demanding,
to see my wife.

1103
00:58:32,363 --> 00:58:34,031
I begged, Linda.

1104
00:58:35,132 --> 00:58:37,068
It's not our fault, Richard.

1105
00:58:38,035 --> 00:58:39,236
It was wrong.

1106
00:58:40,071 --> 00:58:41,238
It was.

1107
00:58:48,946 --> 00:58:51,382
There were many times
I wished he had killed me too.

1108
00:58:51,415 --> 00:58:53,984
But he loved us.

1109
00:58:55,719 --> 00:58:57,888
He told us.

1110
00:58:57,922 --> 00:59:01,592
He said he was sorry for what
he would put us through.

1111
00:59:02,326 --> 00:59:03,961
In his notebook.

1112
00:59:03,994 --> 00:59:04,995
Yeah.

1113
00:59:06,664 --> 00:59:08,599
He destroyed your lives.

1114
00:59:09,266 --> 00:59:10,768
All of our lives.

1115
00:59:15,339 --> 00:59:18,609
He did. But the love we had,

1116
00:59:19,043 --> 00:59:22,713
it was real!

1117
00:59:22,746 --> 00:59:26,884
And the truth is, we believed
we were good parents.

1118
00:59:26,917 --> 00:59:32,656
And in some awful,
confusing way, we still do.

1119
00:59:32,690 --> 00:59:36,193
Isn't it worse that I thought
I was a good mother?

1120
00:59:36,961 --> 00:59:39,196
I love my children.

1121
00:59:39,230 --> 00:59:41,098
Other parents...
I wasn't so different.

1122
00:59:41,132 --> 00:59:43,267
How did I do things
so differently?

1123
00:59:45,136 --> 00:59:47,371
That makes it...

1124
00:59:47,404 --> 00:59:51,809
It's very hard to trust
anything anymore.

1125
00:59:52,476 --> 00:59:54,278
I raised a murderer.

1126
00:59:56,847 --> 00:59:59,150
And sometimes I...

1127
01:00:01,252 --> 01:00:03,053
I don't know
if I'm still grieving

1128
01:00:03,087 --> 01:00:05,923
or if I ever really have.

1129
01:00:08,058 --> 01:00:10,194
The service was in secret.

1130
01:00:10,227 --> 01:00:13,397
No local church
would memorialize him.

1131
01:00:13,430 --> 01:00:17,468
Richard had to beg
to bury his son.

1132
01:00:17,501 --> 01:00:22,673
And when we finally found
a place, I was so ashamed.

1133
01:00:23,174 --> 01:00:25,442
Their kindness...

1134
01:00:25,476 --> 01:00:29,246
You're supposed to
tell stories. We hid.

1135
01:00:29,280 --> 01:00:32,016
Many friends, our friends,
didn't know what to say.

1136
01:00:32,049 --> 01:00:33,884
- They didn't come.
- No.

1137
01:00:33,918 --> 01:00:36,887
We had our closest relatives
with us, good friends.

1138
01:00:36,921 --> 01:00:38,956
I remember looking
at the clock.

1139
01:00:41,125 --> 01:00:44,195
We were so overwhelmed
with blame.

1140
01:00:44,228 --> 01:00:47,031
Our financial situation
was impossible.

1141
01:00:48,199 --> 01:00:53,771
Grief felt like something
out of reach.

1142
01:00:55,272 --> 01:00:58,042
I didn't stop him
because I didn't know.

1143
01:00:58,842 --> 01:00:59,877
And I didn't say anything

1144
01:00:59,910 --> 01:01:02,213
because I didn't know
what to say.

1145
01:01:03,948 --> 01:01:05,216
And I'm sorry.

1146
01:01:06,884 --> 01:01:10,387
I never thought I had
enough good to say.

1147
01:01:13,791 --> 01:01:15,726
I want answers. I do.

1148
01:01:16,827 --> 01:01:20,164
I have to reconcile
his actions

1149
01:01:20,197 --> 01:01:23,267
with the child
I loved and raised.

1150
01:01:27,304 --> 01:01:28,939
But maybe there are none.

1151
01:01:30,908 --> 01:01:33,277
And maybe we're
the last people to ask.

1152
01:01:37,815 --> 01:01:40,150
"We know the hate."

1153
01:01:43,555 --> 01:01:45,356
Joy Murphy's parents
used to say that.

1154
01:01:45,389 --> 01:01:47,524
Remember their church?

1155
01:01:47,559 --> 01:01:50,461
"We need not know why the hate
for we know the hate,"

1156
01:01:50,494 --> 01:01:52,529
or some stupid thing.

1157
01:01:52,564 --> 01:01:54,331
Are these for us?

1158
01:01:54,365 --> 01:01:55,833
I'm sure it's all right.

1159
01:01:55,866 --> 01:01:57,468
Does anybody want one?

1160
01:01:57,501 --> 01:02:00,004
- No, thank you.
- I can't breathe in this room.

1161
01:02:03,507 --> 01:02:04,875
Ah.

1162
01:02:04,908 --> 01:02:06,877
That whole church movement
thing afterwards

1163
01:02:06,910 --> 01:02:08,112
made me so angry.

1164
01:02:09,046 --> 01:02:10,981
What? The devil?

1165
01:02:11,015 --> 01:02:12,049
Really?

1166
01:02:12,516 --> 01:02:14,351
Meaningless.

1167
01:02:14,385 --> 01:02:15,919
Trust the Catholic Church
to come up

1168
01:02:15,953 --> 01:02:17,454
with the most
bankrupt response.

1169
01:02:18,188 --> 01:02:19,857
Sorry.

1170
01:02:19,890 --> 01:02:21,559
This is an Episcopal Church.

1171
01:02:23,927 --> 01:02:26,363
Okay, I don't know. I'm...

1172
01:02:26,397 --> 01:02:30,034
I'm Christian.
I'm not religious.

1173
01:02:33,337 --> 01:02:35,239
Ah.

1174
01:02:35,272 --> 01:02:37,174
They recycle here or...?

1175
01:02:37,207 --> 01:02:38,909
Just leave it.

1176
01:02:42,346 --> 01:02:44,114
Huh!

1177
01:02:44,148 --> 01:02:46,850
At least they found
acceptance first.

1178
01:02:46,884 --> 01:02:50,187
Yeah. At least
they understood it for...

1179
01:02:51,556 --> 01:02:52,956
I don't know.

1180
01:02:54,626 --> 01:02:57,828
But for the rest of us
who need reason,

1181
01:02:58,962 --> 01:03:00,864
we need to look
at what he was.

1182
01:03:00,898 --> 01:03:03,867
We knew he was troubled,
just not how capable.

1183
01:03:03,901 --> 01:03:05,336
I believe you. You didn't...

1184
01:03:06,370 --> 01:03:08,872
I'm asking because

1185
01:03:08,906 --> 01:03:11,041
a psychiatrist
told us afterwards

1186
01:03:11,075 --> 01:03:13,277
that he wouldn't have
shared his problems.

1187
01:03:13,310 --> 01:03:15,279
That he probably
couldn't. That...

1188
01:03:15,312 --> 01:03:17,147
We thought he might
with his friends.

1189
01:03:17,181 --> 01:03:18,315
We asked him to.

1190
01:03:18,349 --> 01:03:21,418
He finally started making
friends again, in high school.

1191
01:03:21,452 --> 01:03:22,453
He found a good group.

1192
01:03:24,254 --> 01:03:25,989
A good group?

1193
01:03:26,023 --> 01:03:27,625
Alex, who showed him
where his family's guns were?

1194
01:03:27,659 --> 01:03:29,026
Hayden stole those guns.

1195
01:03:29,059 --> 01:03:30,260
His friends had nothing
to do with it.

1196
01:03:30,294 --> 01:03:32,363
That group that went
to the gun ranges,

1197
01:03:32,396 --> 01:03:36,467
that sat up all day and night
playing <i>Call of Duty.</i>

1198
01:03:36,500 --> 01:03:39,671
It's a video game.
They're simulations.

1199
01:03:39,704 --> 01:03:41,205
And how many visits
to the gun range?

1200
01:03:41,238 --> 01:03:43,507
- Only two.
- No, that we know of.

1201
01:03:43,540 --> 01:03:45,209
And any... You don't
need to go anymore

1202
01:03:45,242 --> 01:03:46,310
with these games now.

1203
01:03:46,343 --> 01:03:50,147
If you'd allow me to finish
addressing your point,

1204
01:03:50,180 --> 01:03:53,685
I'm just saying that
by the end of his life,

1205
01:03:53,718 --> 01:03:57,689
whatever was going on inside,
he seemed popular,

1206
01:03:57,722 --> 01:03:59,256
- for him, in his circle.
- Fine. Sure.

1207
01:03:59,289 --> 01:04:01,659
Okay, but I'm talking about
something different.

1208
01:04:01,693 --> 01:04:03,260
And I'm just saying

1209
01:04:03,293 --> 01:04:05,529
that we couldn't know
how isolated he was

1210
01:04:05,563 --> 01:04:07,665
because he was popular.

1211
01:04:07,699 --> 01:04:09,701
Or not... That's not
the right word, I know.

1212
01:04:09,734 --> 01:04:13,137
But we couldn't know the level
of intimacy in his social life

1213
01:04:13,170 --> 01:04:14,438
from where he had been.

1214
01:04:14,471 --> 01:04:17,007
We were just happy for him
to have a social life.

1215
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:19,109
Okay. That isolation...

1216
01:04:19,143 --> 01:04:21,445
But he was bullied
in high school.

1217
01:04:21,478 --> 01:04:22,647
Not by his friends.

1218
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:24,214
But still.

1219
01:04:24,248 --> 01:04:25,282
They all told the police

1220
01:04:25,315 --> 01:04:27,585
how often he talked about
killing certain students.

1221
01:04:27,619 --> 01:04:29,953
They said they all
talked like that.

1222
01:04:29,987 --> 01:04:32,557
His group of friends
experienced a lot of bullying.

1223
01:04:32,590 --> 01:04:34,391
Well, that's fine.
I don't care.

1224
01:04:34,425 --> 01:04:37,629
Sorry. If I could
just get this out.

1225
01:04:37,662 --> 01:04:40,063
That isolation, that...

1226
01:04:40,097 --> 01:04:42,600
Even with friends,
that detachment,

1227
01:04:42,634 --> 01:04:46,970
sometimes indicative of a lack
of feeling, of empathy.

1228
01:04:47,004 --> 01:04:49,540
Now add to that
thousands of hours online

1229
01:04:49,574 --> 01:04:51,208
and no real human contact.

1230
01:04:51,241 --> 01:04:53,410
I'm just... This is how
the psychiatrist explained it.

1231
01:04:53,444 --> 01:04:55,446
We understand the psychology.

1232
01:04:55,479 --> 01:04:58,048
Okay, then, maybe you
know about the studies

1233
01:04:58,081 --> 01:05:00,585
using fMRI, brain scans,

1234
01:05:00,618 --> 01:05:02,486
where they say
they can see a response,

1235
01:05:02,519 --> 01:05:05,355
or lack of response,
in the brain.

1236
01:05:05,389 --> 01:05:06,990
There's actually
less connections,

1237
01:05:07,024 --> 01:05:10,427
less matter in the prefrontal
cortex and the amygdala.

1238
01:05:10,461 --> 01:05:12,396
- Jay, Jay...
- No, please, wait.

1239
01:05:12,429 --> 01:05:13,430
I'm just...

1240
01:05:15,365 --> 01:05:16,400
Have you heard
of mirror neurons?

1241
01:05:16,433 --> 01:05:18,235
Jesus, Jay,
we're not qualified.

1242
01:05:18,268 --> 01:05:21,639
I'm not an expert, okay,
but I'm trying... I think...

1243
01:05:23,140 --> 01:05:24,408
This could be helpful.

1244
01:05:24,441 --> 01:05:26,276
I don't know, the basic idea.

1245
01:05:26,310 --> 01:05:27,311
If we could have seen,

1246
01:05:27,344 --> 01:05:30,214
we could have been able
to predict something.

1247
01:05:30,247 --> 01:05:31,114
You know, the doctors,

1248
01:05:31,148 --> 01:05:33,150
with these tests,
what they can show...

1249
01:05:33,183 --> 01:05:34,218
I know.

1250
01:05:34,251 --> 01:05:35,587
They show certain
pictures or words

1251
01:05:35,620 --> 01:05:37,020
that should generate
a response,

1252
01:05:37,054 --> 01:05:38,121
an emotion or a feeling,

1253
01:05:38,155 --> 01:05:39,223
but they don't.

1254
01:05:39,256 --> 01:05:42,727
Exactly. And people
diagnosed with psychopathy...

1255
01:05:42,760 --> 01:05:45,028
My son was empathetic.

1256
01:05:45,062 --> 01:05:46,764
He felt a great deal.

1257
01:05:46,798 --> 01:05:47,732
Well, maybe he was.

1258
01:05:47,765 --> 01:05:49,132
Maybe you didn't know
what he was feeling.

1259
01:05:49,166 --> 01:05:50,334
Maybe he was hiding things.

1260
01:05:50,367 --> 01:05:52,469
My son was not a psychopath.

1261
01:05:52,503 --> 01:05:54,204
He was in terrible pain.

1262
01:05:54,238 --> 01:05:56,306
Maybe not treatable, right?

1263
01:05:56,340 --> 01:05:58,810
Because did anything
ever work?

1264
01:05:58,843 --> 01:06:00,544
I mean, how many
medication? Drugs?

1265
01:06:00,578 --> 01:06:03,280
I mean, if it's in
the structure of the brain,

1266
01:06:03,313 --> 01:06:05,683
you know, then it's not just
pathological, it's physical.

1267
01:06:05,717 --> 01:06:07,217
I understand
what you want to say.

1268
01:06:07,251 --> 01:06:09,386
So that it's not high school,

1269
01:06:09,419 --> 01:06:11,522
middle school,
moving, whatever.

1270
01:06:12,690 --> 01:06:13,791
It's him.

1271
01:06:17,562 --> 01:06:20,097
Do you remember Evan
as a baby?

1272
01:06:23,601 --> 01:06:27,404
I feel Hayden as my baby
every day.

1273
01:06:27,437 --> 01:06:29,172
His helplessness.

1274
01:06:29,206 --> 01:06:32,710
His crying, then his smile.

1275
01:06:34,111 --> 01:06:35,780
I don't believe
in what you're saying.

1276
01:06:35,813 --> 01:06:38,683
Linda, something
must have happened.

1277
01:06:38,716 --> 01:06:41,118
- There was no abuse.
- Not just abuse.

1278
01:06:41,151 --> 01:06:43,621
Neglect? We were
there whenever we could be.

1279
01:06:43,655 --> 01:06:46,123
And sometimes, you can't be.
I know that.

1280
01:06:46,156 --> 01:06:49,761
But we have to
correct their course

1281
01:06:49,794 --> 01:06:50,828
when we do have them.

1282
01:06:50,862 --> 01:06:52,262
So we failed.

1283
01:06:52,296 --> 01:06:54,364
I know that.

1284
01:06:54,398 --> 01:06:57,334
And I did everything
to try to correct it.

1285
01:06:57,367 --> 01:07:00,170
And I'd give anything
if I could be there with him.

1286
01:07:00,203 --> 01:07:01,238
You were there.

1287
01:07:01,271 --> 01:07:02,439
If I could have known.

1288
01:07:04,374 --> 01:07:05,577
But maybe nobody
could have broken through.

1289
01:07:05,610 --> 01:07:06,678
Maybe he wasn't capable...

1290
01:07:06,711 --> 01:07:08,145
No!

1291
01:07:09,881 --> 01:07:13,818
Bipolar disorder, depression,
mania, ADHD,

1292
01:07:13,851 --> 01:07:16,119
possible schizoaffective
disorder.

1293
01:07:16,153 --> 01:07:17,387
None of that is psychopathy.

1294
01:07:17,421 --> 01:07:18,823
You don't know what
you're talking about.

1295
01:07:18,856 --> 01:07:20,357
If you take
the medical records

1296
01:07:20,390 --> 01:07:21,291
with the criminal report,

1297
01:07:21,325 --> 01:07:23,561
which, now finally
we have the full report,

1298
01:07:23,595 --> 01:07:25,362
don't you have
to weigh the evidence,

1299
01:07:25,395 --> 01:07:26,764
the facts of what he did,

1300
01:07:26,798 --> 01:07:28,833
against your personal
relationship history with him?

1301
01:07:28,866 --> 01:07:30,802
He became those things.

1302
01:07:30,835 --> 01:07:32,670
He wasn't always those things.

1303
01:07:32,704 --> 01:07:34,538
Well, you can trace
how far back

1304
01:07:34,572 --> 01:07:35,573
to when he started
planning it.

1305
01:07:35,607 --> 01:07:37,541
We can trace his footsteps,
for Christ's sake.

1306
01:07:37,575 --> 01:07:38,810
I don't think
the timeline

1307
01:07:38,843 --> 01:07:40,143
definitively proves anything

1308
01:07:40,177 --> 01:07:41,244
about his mental state.

1309
01:07:41,278 --> 01:07:42,279
How can you say that?

1310
01:07:42,312 --> 01:07:45,415
We're not denying what he did
or who he became.

1311
01:07:45,449 --> 01:07:47,785
Well, I can't help
but hear you blame

1312
01:07:47,819 --> 01:07:49,721
a not abnormal child.

1313
01:07:49,754 --> 01:07:51,388
He was my son.

1314
01:07:51,421 --> 01:07:53,290
I can't remove my feelings

1315
01:07:53,323 --> 01:07:54,626
from our history
or his records.

1316
01:07:54,659 --> 01:07:55,727
I'm not asking you to.

1317
01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:58,630
I'm saying that what he did,
his capacity for murder,

1318
01:07:58,663 --> 01:08:01,799
was probably potentially there
a long time

1319
01:08:01,833 --> 01:08:02,800
before anyone
could have known.

1320
01:08:02,834 --> 01:08:04,936
You think you can attach
one word to something

1321
01:08:04,969 --> 01:08:06,804
in order to understand it?

1322
01:08:06,838 --> 01:08:08,372
To make you feel safe?

1323
01:08:09,272 --> 01:08:10,842
Well, I won't say it.

1324
01:08:10,875 --> 01:08:11,909
I don't believe it.

1325
01:08:11,943 --> 01:08:13,343
It's not simple.

1326
01:08:13,377 --> 01:08:16,179
It's everything
you cannot see.

1327
01:08:16,213 --> 01:08:18,448
And it left him helpless.
He was helpless.

1328
01:08:18,482 --> 01:08:20,585
But it's
our job to help.

1329
01:08:20,618 --> 01:08:22,720
That's our job.
And at some point,

1330
01:08:22,754 --> 01:08:24,689
it doesn't matter whether
or not you see the signs.

1331
01:08:24,722 --> 01:08:26,924
We still...
It's still our obligation.

1332
01:08:26,958 --> 01:08:28,593
I said I failed.

1333
01:08:28,626 --> 01:08:31,663
Maybe you didn't know
who you were dealing with.

1334
01:08:31,696 --> 01:08:33,865
Look, the report
speaks for itself.

1335
01:08:33,898 --> 01:08:35,867
He was gone by then. He was.

1336
01:08:35,900 --> 01:08:37,769
I mean,
the deliberate choices.

1337
01:08:37,802 --> 01:08:39,604
- He did not target.
- What?

1338
01:08:39,637 --> 01:08:40,972
- What...?
- What are you ta... What?

1339
01:08:41,005 --> 01:08:42,239
What difference
does that make?

1340
01:08:42,272 --> 01:08:43,473
He would have said so.

1341
01:08:43,507 --> 01:08:45,409
What? Well,
how is that better?

1342
01:08:45,442 --> 01:08:46,944
What? What do you mean,
he did not target?

1343
01:08:46,978 --> 01:08:48,278
He never met any of them.

1344
01:08:48,311 --> 01:08:50,882
Jesus Christ.
Oh, it was his school.

1345
01:08:50,915 --> 01:08:51,816
His students.

1346
01:08:51,849 --> 01:08:53,216
He'd never been
in that classroom.

1347
01:08:53,250 --> 01:08:54,184
He wanted to kill them.

1348
01:08:54,217 --> 01:08:56,453
Those students,
they weren't in his grade.

1349
01:08:56,486 --> 01:08:57,855
- Evan...
- Don't. No, no, don't.

1350
01:08:57,889 --> 01:08:59,222
- I'm just saying...
- Just don't.

1351
01:08:59,256 --> 01:09:00,692
- I'm just saying.
- Well, don't.

1352
01:09:00,725 --> 01:09:02,325
- Okay.
- He didn't know them.

1353
01:09:02,359 --> 01:09:04,796
- He wanted them to suffer.
- Oh, Jay.

1354
01:09:04,829 --> 01:09:07,397
- But not...
- What?

1355
01:09:07,431 --> 01:09:10,500
Intentionally? Is that
what you were gonna say?

1356
01:09:10,534 --> 01:09:14,471
He didn't seek to make
any one individual suffer.

1357
01:09:14,504 --> 01:09:17,875
Well,
my son suffered.

1358
01:09:18,943 --> 01:09:21,713
Evan suffered so much,
and he let him.

1359
01:09:21,746 --> 01:09:23,313
I'm sorry.
Both of you.

1360
01:09:23,346 --> 01:09:24,882
- No...
- I know what happened.

1361
01:09:24,916 --> 01:09:25,850
- Wait.
- No, you don't.

1362
01:09:25,883 --> 01:09:28,418
He did the most awful thing
I've ever known,

1363
01:09:28,452 --> 01:09:29,754
but I know the report.

1364
01:09:29,787 --> 01:09:33,256
No! You do not know
how my son died!

1365
01:09:46,303 --> 01:09:47,471
God.

1366
01:09:52,777 --> 01:09:55,580
He entered Evan's classroom
at 1:29 p.m.

1367
01:09:55,613 --> 01:09:58,381
He threw a bomb
into the center of the desks.

1368
01:09:58,415 --> 01:09:59,650
He started shooting.

1369
01:09:59,684 --> 01:10:01,052
He stayed there
for half a minute.

1370
01:10:01,085 --> 01:10:03,520
He could
have killed them all.

1371
01:10:03,553 --> 01:10:06,991
He chose not to.
He watched them.

1372
01:10:07,024 --> 01:10:09,426
They saw his face.
They saw him looking.

1373
01:10:10,795 --> 01:10:12,029
He knew Evan was alive.

1374
01:10:12,063 --> 01:10:15,566
He knew exactly who was alive
and who was dead when he left.

1375
01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:17,400
We could never see
into that classroom.

1376
01:10:17,434 --> 01:10:19,604
No, he suffered.

1377
01:10:20,437 --> 01:10:22,974
Six minutes.

1378
01:10:23,007 --> 01:10:26,543
Six minutes later,
he comes back,

1379
01:10:26,577 --> 01:10:28,445
your son,
he retraces his steps.

1380
01:10:28,478 --> 01:10:29,647
He's in the hallway again.

1381
01:10:29,680 --> 01:10:34,384
1:35, he's come back
to finish.

1382
01:10:34,417 --> 01:10:35,787
And Evan is there.

1383
01:10:36,621 --> 01:10:39,690
The last gunshot, 1:36,

1384
01:10:39,724 --> 01:10:41,525
goes into my son's...

1385
01:10:43,426 --> 01:10:44,528
neck.

1386
01:10:44,562 --> 01:10:45,730
Into his artery.

1387
01:10:45,763 --> 01:10:49,399
- Jay...
- No. Six minutes.

1388
01:10:49,432 --> 01:10:51,903
He was alive.
He was trying to get out.

1389
01:10:51,936 --> 01:10:55,072
The blood trails show
where he was trying to...

1390
01:10:55,106 --> 01:10:56,473
- Jay, please stop.
- No!

1391
01:10:56,506 --> 01:10:58,810
He came back.
He was methodical.

1392
01:10:58,843 --> 01:11:01,545
He was looking.

1393
01:11:01,579 --> 01:11:02,680
And Evan...

1394
01:11:04,749 --> 01:11:06,383
...was still alive.

1395
01:11:06,416 --> 01:11:07,417
I know.

1396
01:11:08,753 --> 01:11:11,454
You do not know.

1397
01:11:11,488 --> 01:11:12,790
I know!

1398
01:11:14,524 --> 01:11:16,459
I know.

1399
01:11:16,493 --> 01:11:20,665
The streaks on the floor.

1400
01:11:22,166 --> 01:11:25,603
The way he was crawling.

1401
01:11:25,636 --> 01:11:27,504
I know the wounds,

1402
01:11:28,739 --> 01:11:30,074
in what order.

1403
01:11:32,910 --> 01:11:34,612
How he fought.

1404
01:11:41,451 --> 01:11:42,854
And how he died.

1405
01:11:44,088 --> 01:11:45,089
Nah.

1406
01:11:54,665 --> 01:11:55,900
<i>He died.</i>

1407
01:12:18,656 --> 01:12:20,457
<i>Now, please stop.</i>

1408
01:12:22,693 --> 01:12:24,095
<i>Please stop.</i>

1409
01:12:54,759 --> 01:12:57,595
Caroline, Jonathan,
and Tory were killed instantly

1410
01:12:57,628 --> 01:12:58,930
in the blast.

1411
01:12:59,830 --> 01:13:02,733
Daniel, shot three times,

1412
01:13:02,767 --> 01:13:05,202
twice in the lungs,
once in the heart.

1413
01:13:05,236 --> 01:13:07,772
He died seated at his desk.

1414
01:13:09,740 --> 01:13:13,244
Juliana, shot twice in
the leg, once in the knee,

1415
01:13:13,277 --> 01:13:15,478
once in the thigh,

1416
01:13:15,512 --> 01:13:16,847
the femoral artery.

1417
01:13:16,881 --> 01:13:18,849
What are you doing?

1418
01:13:18,883 --> 01:13:22,687
She lost her vision
from the glass in her eyes.

1419
01:13:22,720 --> 01:13:25,923
She tried to crawl
out of the classroom.

1420
01:13:25,957 --> 01:13:27,024
But she died
before finding the way.

1421
01:13:27,058 --> 01:13:28,092
Okay.

1422
01:13:28,125 --> 01:13:31,095
Vanessa,
shot four times,

1423
01:13:31,128 --> 01:13:32,997
twice in the abdomen,
twice in the head.

1424
01:13:33,030 --> 01:13:35,032
We understand you know.

1425
01:13:35,066 --> 01:13:37,568
The victims, and the wounded.

1426
01:13:38,102 --> 01:13:39,637
I'm sorry.

1427
01:13:41,205 --> 01:13:42,974
But I do know.

1428
01:13:43,007 --> 01:13:44,875
All of them.

1429
01:13:45,943 --> 01:13:49,814
I know Evan,
his story that day.

1430
01:13:51,315 --> 01:13:53,150
And I know Hayden's.

1431
01:13:54,585 --> 01:13:56,887
He did go back.

1432
01:13:56,921 --> 01:14:00,925
He was going to the library,
where he wanted to die.

1433
01:14:00,958 --> 01:14:03,493
He told us, wrote to us
in his notebook.

1434
01:14:04,829 --> 01:14:09,200
"That's where you'll find me.
Where it's quiet for me."

1435
01:14:09,233 --> 01:14:13,904
Where, respectfully,

1436
01:14:13,938 --> 01:14:18,676
the last shot was at 1:41.

1437
01:14:19,310 --> 01:14:20,945
In the library.

1438
01:14:22,913 --> 01:14:25,082
People saw. Kids saw.

1439
01:14:26,917 --> 01:14:28,919
- Christopher...
- Shot in the head.

1440
01:14:28,953 --> 01:14:30,688
I know.

1441
01:14:30,721 --> 01:14:31,956
My son.

1442
01:14:31,989 --> 01:14:34,725
Shot in the face,

1443
01:14:34,759 --> 01:14:39,030
hiding underneath the table,
begging for his life.

1444
01:14:40,031 --> 01:14:42,033
That is what they said.

1445
01:14:43,134 --> 01:14:46,203
That's... That's not feeling.

1446
01:14:47,138 --> 01:14:49,040
- That is hate.
- That's...

1447
01:14:50,174 --> 01:14:54,011
Disturbed? Hate? Rage?

1448
01:14:54,045 --> 01:14:56,747
- Hopelessness?
- No, no, no.

1449
01:14:56,781 --> 01:15:00,217
Apathy, indifference.

1450
01:15:00,251 --> 01:15:04,321
- Cold, callous.
- Evil?

1451
01:15:08,626 --> 01:15:10,094
Do you want to say?

1452
01:15:10,127 --> 01:15:11,896
Because I...

1453
01:15:13,230 --> 01:15:14,732
I won't.

1454
01:15:17,134 --> 01:15:18,302
I won't.

1455
01:15:18,335 --> 01:15:19,804
It doesn't matter.

1456
01:15:27,378 --> 01:15:29,613
We went to the
school. Did you know that?

1457
01:15:33,250 --> 01:15:35,619
It was supposed to be
for the victims' families,

1458
01:15:35,653 --> 01:15:40,057
and Hayden wouldn't be counted
as a victim.

1459
01:15:41,092 --> 01:15:43,194
So we fought for that.

1460
01:15:44,261 --> 01:15:47,998
And we saw, we saw the damage.

1461
01:15:48,032 --> 01:15:50,835
The windows, the black stains.

1462
01:15:51,969 --> 01:15:53,838
We saw his hate.

1463
01:15:55,005 --> 01:15:57,741
- The lines.
- What he did. What?

1464
01:15:58,242 --> 01:16:01,378
The lines or tape.

1465
01:16:01,412 --> 01:16:03,848
The outlines of the children.

1466
01:16:03,881 --> 01:16:06,383
- Mr. Moore.
- Hmm.

1467
01:16:06,417 --> 01:16:08,285
The bodies. Yeah.

1468
01:16:11,956 --> 01:16:13,023
I was...

1469
01:16:16,127 --> 01:16:17,394
I didn't know
you were allowed in.

1470
01:16:18,963 --> 01:16:21,799
Well, they kept that secret.
They didn't want...

1471
01:16:21,832 --> 01:16:22,833
More outrage.

1472
01:16:25,002 --> 01:16:27,304
The world mourned 10.

1473
01:16:29,006 --> 01:16:30,841
We mourned 11.

1474
01:16:31,909 --> 01:16:34,145
There would be
no memorials for 11.

1475
01:16:34,178 --> 01:16:38,849
No concerts reading 11 names,
and I understood that,

1476
01:16:38,883 --> 01:16:43,020
but I would not be excluded
from that too.

1477
01:16:45,990 --> 01:16:47,224
The damage, though...

1478
01:16:50,127 --> 01:16:51,328
How much...

1479
01:16:55,366 --> 01:16:56,834
He was in pain.

1480
01:16:58,335 --> 01:17:01,739
It was the pain
that brought him there.

1481
01:17:07,778 --> 01:17:09,446
I didn't want another child.

1482
01:17:11,315 --> 01:17:12,316
But...

1483
01:17:15,119 --> 01:17:17,321
once he was born...

1484
01:17:22,059 --> 01:17:24,228
I loved Hayden so much.

1485
01:17:26,764 --> 01:17:30,334
But maybe...

1486
01:17:35,773 --> 01:17:37,975
Maybe he should
never have been born.

1487
01:17:38,008 --> 01:17:39,009
No.

1488
01:17:40,511 --> 01:17:43,914
We should never have
gone to the school.

1489
01:17:43,948 --> 01:17:49,420
I just remember this
terrible feeling of awe,

1490
01:17:49,453 --> 01:17:53,457
just awe at what
my boy had done.

1491
01:17:55,359 --> 01:18:00,798
And then a long, skinny frame
outlined in the carpet.

1492
01:18:00,831 --> 01:18:02,099
All alone.

1493
01:18:03,500 --> 01:18:05,135
I knew it was him.

1494
01:18:05,169 --> 01:18:09,173
Not because of where
it was or...

1495
01:18:09,206 --> 01:18:10,874
I just knew it was him.

1496
01:18:12,042 --> 01:18:13,911
I recognized Evan too.

1497
01:18:15,112 --> 01:18:16,747
Not because of the lines.

1498
01:18:17,915 --> 01:18:19,550
The number.

1499
01:18:19,584 --> 01:18:22,052
The number markers
for the report.

1500
01:18:22,086 --> 01:18:23,153
Yeah.

1501
01:18:23,187 --> 01:18:24,488
He was number one.

1502
01:18:25,856 --> 01:18:27,458
I guess he was
the first they found.

1503
01:18:30,160 --> 01:18:31,161
He was...

1504
01:18:35,199 --> 01:18:36,267
He was my...

1505
01:18:41,038 --> 01:18:42,206
That was hard.

1506
01:18:43,274 --> 01:18:44,775
It was.

1507
01:18:45,610 --> 01:18:50,848
But you know,
and please forgive me,

1508
01:18:50,881 --> 01:18:53,150
it made me feel
like the rest of you.

1509
01:18:59,957 --> 01:19:01,525
Some parent said,

1510
01:19:01,559 --> 01:19:03,595
I can't remember who,

1511
01:19:03,628 --> 01:19:08,399
said early on in a mean way,
meant to be mean,

1512
01:19:10,267 --> 01:19:12,903
that you were the loneliest
people in the world.

1513
01:19:15,973 --> 01:19:19,877
As if that was justice.
As if...

1514
01:19:19,910 --> 01:19:21,879
Well, we were.

1515
01:19:21,912 --> 01:19:23,615
I still get mail.

1516
01:19:23,648 --> 01:19:27,518
Some hateful,
some sympathetic.

1517
01:19:27,551 --> 01:19:30,254
Mostly just strange.

1518
01:19:30,287 --> 01:19:33,357
I can't say I understand
the purpose of it,

1519
01:19:33,390 --> 01:19:37,061
but it only reminded me
of what he had done.

1520
01:19:37,094 --> 01:19:43,200
And I was trying to restore my
memory of... of who he was.

1521
01:19:44,902 --> 01:19:47,171
And that's what I have to do.

1522
01:19:47,672 --> 01:19:50,207
Do you understand?

1523
01:19:50,240 --> 01:19:52,943
You said he destroyed
our lives.

1524
01:19:52,976 --> 01:19:54,345
Yes, he did.

1525
01:19:55,479 --> 01:19:57,181
And while I know the world

1526
01:19:57,214 --> 01:20:01,318
would have been
better without him,

1527
01:20:03,287 --> 01:20:05,022
I can't say I would have been.

1528
01:20:05,055 --> 01:20:06,624
Oh, God.

1529
01:20:06,658 --> 01:20:09,093
I'm sorry.
I know that's...

1530
01:20:09,126 --> 01:20:11,161
- No.
- I shouldn't have said that.

1531
01:20:11,195 --> 01:20:13,297
It's just... It's just...

1532
01:20:14,231 --> 01:20:16,568
I thought I had to believe

1533
01:20:16,601 --> 01:20:19,236
that my son's life
had no value

1534
01:20:19,269 --> 01:20:22,574
because of what he did
before he died,

1535
01:20:22,607 --> 01:20:29,279
but I don't have
to believe that, do I?

1536
01:20:31,081 --> 01:20:32,617
Or is that hard
for you to hear?

1537
01:20:38,255 --> 01:20:39,323
I guess.

1538
01:20:40,524 --> 01:20:41,525
Yes, it is.

1539
01:20:45,396 --> 01:20:47,331
But I won't tell you
how to keep your son.

1540
01:20:48,566 --> 01:20:49,967
No. I...

1541
01:20:53,738 --> 01:20:55,406
No, I don't know. I...

1542
01:20:56,574 --> 01:20:57,642
Yes, it is hard.

1543
01:20:57,675 --> 01:21:01,245
But, no, I think...

1544
01:21:02,312 --> 01:21:03,447
I think that's right. I...

1545
01:21:03,480 --> 01:21:05,516
God, I don't... I don't know.

1546
01:21:06,383 --> 01:21:07,619
That's okay.

1547
01:21:07,652 --> 01:21:10,120
I wouldn't ever expect you
to feel that way.

1548
01:21:10,154 --> 01:21:12,657
No, no, that's not it.
That's not it.

1549
01:21:12,690 --> 01:21:15,058
Not... Not your son.

1550
01:21:15,092 --> 01:21:16,160
Not

1551
01:21:17,327 --> 01:21:18,529
him.

1552
01:21:18,563 --> 01:21:19,597
It's...

1553
01:21:21,465 --> 01:21:22,966
value.

1554
01:21:24,168 --> 01:21:26,036
It's all of their values.

1555
01:21:28,606 --> 01:21:30,207
See, I...

1556
01:21:33,377 --> 01:21:36,947
I made a promise.
I made a promise to him.

1557
01:21:37,715 --> 01:21:39,249
That I can't keep...

1558
01:21:39,283 --> 01:21:41,719
- Hey, honey.
- No, it... Please.

1559
01:21:41,753 --> 01:21:44,321
What did you
promise him?

1560
01:21:44,354 --> 01:21:50,294
I promised him that his life
would mean something,

1561
01:21:51,563 --> 01:21:54,198
that it wouldn't be in vain.

1562
01:21:54,231 --> 01:21:56,366
That because of him,
all of them,

1563
01:21:57,702 --> 01:22:01,171
things would change, you know?

1564
01:22:02,339 --> 01:22:04,341
But nothing's changed.
Nothing.

1565
01:22:05,542 --> 01:22:08,412
The only difference
is that they're gone.

1566
01:22:08,445 --> 01:22:12,149
And that's all I hear. Still.
All those parents.

1567
01:22:12,182 --> 01:22:15,452
The last of us
in that firehouse,

1568
01:22:15,486 --> 01:22:19,557
the loneliest people
in the world, asking,

1569
01:22:19,591 --> 01:22:22,226
"What do you mean,
they're gone?

1570
01:22:22,259 --> 01:22:23,494
"Gone where?

1571
01:22:24,596 --> 01:22:26,363
"Where have they gone?"

1572
01:22:28,131 --> 01:22:34,137
So... you talk about value,
their lives having value,

1573
01:22:34,171 --> 01:22:37,040
and that's all I want.

1574
01:22:37,074 --> 01:22:39,409
I just want it
to mean something. I just...

1575
01:22:41,278 --> 01:22:43,113
I just... I want it to change.

1576
01:22:45,249 --> 01:22:46,350
Why does it have to change?

1577
01:22:46,383 --> 01:22:47,551
What?

1578
01:22:50,187 --> 01:22:52,289
Can you tell me
a story about Evan?

1579
01:22:53,490 --> 01:22:55,492
What?

1580
01:22:55,526 --> 01:22:58,763
Please? Can you tell me
a story about him?

1581
01:23:00,197 --> 01:23:01,265
Now?

1582
01:23:01,298 --> 01:23:03,200
Yeah.

1583
01:23:03,233 --> 01:23:07,237
Jay... I don't know.
There's so many.

1584
01:23:07,271 --> 01:23:09,540
Doesn't matter.
Just don't think about it.

1585
01:23:09,574 --> 01:23:12,075
- Just tell me one.
- Jay...

1586
01:23:14,579 --> 01:23:17,180
- No, come, come...
- It's okay. It's okay, honey.

1587
01:23:17,214 --> 01:23:18,716
- Go on.
- No, come here.

1588
01:23:18,750 --> 01:23:20,718
- Come, come here.
- Okay.

1589
01:23:20,752 --> 01:23:22,519
- Come.
- Okay, okay.

1590
01:23:23,888 --> 01:23:26,056
- Oh, Jesus.
- I got you.

1591
01:23:27,859 --> 01:23:31,295
Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay. I see, um...

1592
01:23:32,162 --> 01:23:34,799
Oh... let me think.

1593
01:23:35,633 --> 01:23:36,634
Oh.

1594
01:23:39,571 --> 01:23:42,072
He's 12 years old, I think.

1595
01:23:43,206 --> 01:23:44,576
He's 12 years old.

1596
01:23:44,609 --> 01:23:45,710
Um...

1597
01:23:45,743 --> 01:23:47,311
Sixth grade?

1598
01:23:47,344 --> 01:23:50,815
I don't know.
He's young, and...

1599
01:23:50,848 --> 01:23:54,318
It's fall. He's...

1600
01:23:54,351 --> 01:23:59,489
He's playing football with
his friends in the park,

1601
01:24:00,490 --> 01:24:02,560
near our house. It's...

1602
01:24:02,594 --> 01:24:05,730
He used to play in the park
near our house. It's, um...

1603
01:24:05,763 --> 01:24:07,565
On Sundays, you know.

1604
01:24:08,833 --> 01:24:12,369
Just a few blocks
from our home.

1605
01:24:12,402 --> 01:24:14,438
But we had a dinner to go to.

1606
01:24:15,339 --> 01:24:17,174
Jay's parents were visiting.

1607
01:24:18,542 --> 01:24:22,614
So I said to him,
"Do not get too dirty,

1608
01:24:22,647 --> 01:24:25,515
"because we've got to leave
the house by 5:00."

1609
01:24:25,549 --> 01:24:27,451
And he said, "Mom,

1610
01:24:27,484 --> 01:24:29,887
"the dirtier you are,
the better you are.

1611
01:24:29,921 --> 01:24:31,723
"That's how you spot

1612
01:24:31,756 --> 01:24:33,591
"the best players on the team.

1613
01:24:33,625 --> 01:24:35,158
"They're the ones
with the grass

1614
01:24:35,192 --> 01:24:37,294
"and the stains
on their jerseys."

1615
01:24:37,862 --> 01:24:39,931
And I said...

1616
01:24:39,964 --> 01:24:41,431
I...

1617
01:24:41,465 --> 01:24:43,400
He was so funny.

1618
01:24:43,433 --> 01:24:49,607
I said, "But shouldn't the
good players not be tackled

1619
01:24:49,641 --> 01:24:51,909
"and fall on the ground
so much?"

1620
01:24:51,943 --> 01:24:58,415
"No, Mom, the dirtier you are,
the better you are."

1621
01:25:01,686 --> 01:25:03,153
"Okay."

1622
01:25:04,521 --> 01:25:07,692
You know, he was
like that about everything,

1623
01:25:07,725 --> 01:25:09,927
such strong opinions,

1624
01:25:09,961 --> 01:25:11,763
even if he didn't
know anything

1625
01:25:11,796 --> 01:25:13,731
about what he was
talking about.

1626
01:25:13,765 --> 01:25:15,399
Thank you.

1627
01:25:15,432 --> 01:25:16,433
So...

1628
01:25:17,635 --> 01:25:20,404
So it's 5:00,
or it's about to be.

1629
01:25:20,437 --> 01:25:23,708
It's almost 5:00,
and he's still not back,

1630
01:25:23,741 --> 01:25:27,344
and I'm about to just go
down there and grab him,

1631
01:25:27,377 --> 01:25:29,279
and drag him back,

1632
01:25:29,312 --> 01:25:32,249
when Sophie comes in the door.

1633
01:25:32,282 --> 01:25:34,451
She followed Evan
everywhere back then.

1634
01:25:34,484 --> 01:25:38,556
She loved watching the boys
playing, goof around.

1635
01:25:38,589 --> 01:25:40,992
So she burst in and she says,

1636
01:25:41,025 --> 01:25:46,564
"Mom, oh, my gosh.
Mom. Look at Evan."

1637
01:25:46,597 --> 01:25:49,399
So I come around the corner,
and I see him,

1638
01:25:49,433 --> 01:25:55,472
and he is covered,
head to toe, in mud.

1639
01:25:55,505 --> 01:25:57,709
- It was absurd.
- It was.

1640
01:25:57,742 --> 01:26:01,813
It was like he covered
himself, like a mud bath.

1641
01:26:01,846 --> 01:26:04,381
It just didn't really
even make sense even,

1642
01:26:04,414 --> 01:26:06,617
and I was... I lost it.

1643
01:26:06,651 --> 01:26:09,854
"Evan. What have you done?"

1644
01:26:09,887 --> 01:26:11,521
He was
completely unfazed.

1645
01:26:11,556 --> 01:26:13,791
Yeah. Right?

1646
01:26:13,825 --> 01:26:15,225
He played it cool.

1647
01:26:16,359 --> 01:26:20,732
"Mom, I told you, the best
players are the dirtiest."

1648
01:26:21,933 --> 01:26:23,233
He was...

1649
01:26:23,901 --> 01:26:25,435
You know?

1650
01:26:26,571 --> 01:26:28,305
I was so mad.

1651
01:26:30,041 --> 01:26:31,843
But then I was laughing.

1652
01:26:34,946 --> 01:26:36,379
And holding him,

1653
01:26:38,850 --> 01:26:41,018
and the dirt,

1654
01:26:41,052 --> 01:26:42,552
the grass.

1655
01:26:44,789 --> 01:26:46,691
That smell of him.

1656
01:26:48,492 --> 01:26:50,260
Wet leaves.

1657
01:26:52,362 --> 01:26:54,031
The child on him.

1658
01:26:56,768 --> 01:26:59,436
I could feel so much life.

1659
01:27:02,840 --> 01:27:04,776
We let him go
to dinner that way.

1660
01:27:04,809 --> 01:27:07,011
- He washed his face.
- Well, yeah. But...

1661
01:27:09,914 --> 01:27:12,282
He was so proud.

1662
01:27:18,689 --> 01:27:20,691
That's what his life meant.

1663
01:27:22,827 --> 01:27:24,028
Let him rest.

1664
01:27:25,696 --> 01:27:28,699
Evan doesn't have
to change the world.

1665
01:27:28,733 --> 01:27:31,803
But I still miss him.

1666
01:27:39,376 --> 01:27:42,880
Do you remember
what you wrote to me?

1667
01:27:42,914 --> 01:27:44,882
Oh, God.

1668
01:27:44,916 --> 01:27:47,317
I wrote you way too much.

1669
01:27:48,719 --> 01:27:50,320
You wrote to me,

1670
01:27:52,123 --> 01:27:54,491
"I want you to know my son.

1671
01:27:56,526 --> 01:27:58,328
"I want you to know his name."

1672
01:27:59,797 --> 01:28:00,798
Yeah.

1673
01:28:04,969 --> 01:28:06,503
Do you have a story?

1674
01:28:08,739 --> 01:28:09,774
Oh, God.

1675
01:28:09,807 --> 01:28:11,042
I, uh...

1676
01:28:12,043 --> 01:28:13,476
All of them.

1677
01:28:14,879 --> 01:28:16,446
I...

1678
01:28:16,479 --> 01:28:19,516
Let's just preserve them.
Okay?

1679
01:28:21,152 --> 01:28:22,854
Jay.

1680
01:28:22,887 --> 01:28:24,622
Yeah?

1681
01:28:24,655 --> 01:28:26,824
I think I need to...

1682
01:28:26,858 --> 01:28:27,859
What?

1683
01:28:28,559 --> 01:28:30,027
I think I'm ready.

1684
01:28:33,164 --> 01:28:34,531
Okay.

1685
01:28:38,435 --> 01:28:40,037
I need to tell you...

1686
01:28:43,207 --> 01:28:47,144
I wanted so, so badly

1687
01:28:47,178 --> 01:28:51,616
for you to be an example
or punished.

1688
01:28:51,649 --> 01:28:54,151
I came here wanting that.

1689
01:28:54,185 --> 01:28:59,522
But something's died
in all of us, all of us.

1690
01:28:59,557 --> 01:29:02,960
And I'm so scared
that what I wanted,

1691
01:29:02,994 --> 01:29:06,496
what I need,
isn't what I thought.

1692
01:29:07,064 --> 01:29:09,634
What did you think?

1693
01:29:09,667 --> 01:29:13,905
That if I forgave you,
I'd lose him.

1694
01:29:14,205 --> 01:29:16,439
Oh. No.

1695
01:29:16,473 --> 01:29:17,875
Yes.

1696
01:29:17,909 --> 01:29:20,543
But maybe I just needed
to be with you.

1697
01:29:21,145 --> 01:29:23,513
Because I know now. I...

1698
01:29:24,949 --> 01:29:26,851
I forgive you.

1699
01:29:29,086 --> 01:29:30,588
I do.

1700
01:29:32,189 --> 01:29:34,424
I have. I forgive you.

1701
01:29:35,059 --> 01:29:38,930
And I have to tell you...

1702
01:29:39,931 --> 01:29:41,799
I have to tell you...

1703
01:29:44,235 --> 01:29:46,137
I also forgive Hayden

1704
01:29:47,838 --> 01:29:52,743
for what he did,
for taking my baby's life.

1705
01:29:52,777 --> 01:29:57,114
Because I know, in my heart,
he was lost.

1706
01:29:58,249 --> 01:30:00,618
So I do... I forgive him.

1707
01:30:02,586 --> 01:30:04,689
Because I can't live
this way anymore.

1708
01:30:04,722 --> 01:30:07,825
- Sweetheart.
- No, I can't. We can't.

1709
01:30:07,858 --> 01:30:09,660
- Okay.
- We don't sleep.

1710
01:30:09,694 --> 01:30:11,162
We don't breathe.

1711
01:30:11,195 --> 01:30:12,997
We don't see
each other anymore,

1712
01:30:13,030 --> 01:30:15,465
and I want to. I want to.

1713
01:30:15,967 --> 01:30:17,168
- Okay?
- Yeah.

1714
01:30:17,201 --> 01:30:19,236
Because I can't hold on
to this any longer.

1715
01:30:19,270 --> 01:30:22,807
I can't. It's not him.
It's not.

1716
01:30:22,840 --> 01:30:25,977
It's just this terrible pain

1717
01:30:26,010 --> 01:30:28,779
for wishing
for a different past,

1718
01:30:28,813 --> 01:30:32,783
and I can't let it
control my life anymore,

1719
01:30:32,817 --> 01:30:35,686
because if I do, I'm afraid
I'll never see him again.

1720
01:30:36,287 --> 01:30:38,521
And I need to.

1721
01:30:38,556 --> 01:30:40,858
I know that I will.
I know I'll see him.

1722
01:30:40,891 --> 01:30:44,628
I know I'll hold him against
me, if I could just forgive.

1723
01:30:44,662 --> 01:30:46,764
If I can love again.

1724
01:30:46,797 --> 01:30:47,932
So I do.

1725
01:30:49,233 --> 01:30:50,533
I do.

1726
01:31:26,704 --> 01:31:28,172
Maybe this is right.

1727
01:31:30,007 --> 01:31:31,842
This moment of silence.

1728
01:31:34,712 --> 01:31:37,048
Maybe this is the right way
to say goodbye.

1729
01:31:42,720 --> 01:31:43,821
Yeah.

1730
01:31:45,222 --> 01:31:46,791
I like that.

1731
01:31:54,165 --> 01:31:55,766
Do you want to...?

1732
01:31:55,800 --> 01:31:57,234
Maybe we could do
a little, uh...?

1733
01:31:59,036 --> 01:32:00,171
Yeah.

1734
01:32:17,054 --> 01:32:18,589
Mmm.

1735
01:33:26,190 --> 01:33:27,191
Well...

1736
01:33:29,460 --> 01:33:31,262
I hope we were able to help.

1737
01:33:33,464 --> 01:33:35,099
Thanks.

1738
01:33:37,902 --> 01:33:40,905
I mean, is... Is that it?

1739
01:33:40,938 --> 01:33:44,341
I think so. I'm exhausted.

1740
01:33:45,910 --> 01:33:49,146
Well, I guess, uh...
You know...

1741
01:33:49,180 --> 01:33:51,749
We can always speak again.

1742
01:33:51,782 --> 01:33:53,117
- Sure.
- Right?

1743
01:33:53,150 --> 01:33:55,019
Of course.

1744
01:33:55,052 --> 01:33:57,054
Thank you so much
for bringing your pictures.

1745
01:33:57,087 --> 01:34:00,090
Oh, no, of course. Thank you.

1746
01:34:00,958 --> 01:34:02,793
Thank you for the flowers.

1747
01:34:02,826 --> 01:34:03,727
You're welcome.

1748
01:34:03,761 --> 01:34:05,129
Will they be able to travel?
The flowers?

1749
01:34:05,162 --> 01:34:06,330
I don't want you to have to...

1750
01:34:06,363 --> 01:34:07,464
Oh, no. We'll manage.

1751
01:34:07,498 --> 01:34:08,799
Yeah, sure.

1752
01:34:08,832 --> 01:34:10,034
Well...

1753
01:34:10,067 --> 01:34:12,469
Uh, maybe Kendra can
get you a box or something.

1754
01:34:12,503 --> 01:34:13,470
I don't want you to have to...

1755
01:34:13,504 --> 01:34:14,505
I'm so sorry. I should
have thought of that.

1756
01:34:14,538 --> 01:34:16,840
No, no. It's... We could
just carry them, right?

1757
01:34:16,874 --> 01:34:18,809
Yeah. Or just the woman
that works here,

1758
01:34:18,842 --> 01:34:20,377
she may be able
to find something.

1759
01:34:20,411 --> 01:34:22,012
Oh. I don't think
I've met her.

1760
01:34:22,046 --> 01:34:23,414
- Let me go see.
- Ah.

1761
01:34:23,447 --> 01:34:26,417
I don't know what
I was thinking. I'm sorry.

1762
01:34:26,450 --> 01:34:27,885
- Silly of me.
- It's fine.

1763
01:34:34,058 --> 01:34:34,925
Does anybody want...

1764
01:34:34,959 --> 01:34:36,760
You want a water bottle
for the road?

1765
01:34:36,794 --> 01:34:38,362
Oh, thank you. I'm all set.

1766
01:34:39,129 --> 01:34:40,965
They have coffee.

1767
01:34:40,998 --> 01:34:42,499
You want a coffee?

1768
01:34:42,533 --> 01:34:46,103
- Nah.
- All right. Okay.

1769
01:34:46,136 --> 01:34:48,973
I think I'll just see
if I can give him a hand.

1770
01:34:49,006 --> 01:34:50,374
Sure.

1771
01:34:53,444 --> 01:34:54,445
Okay.

1772
01:34:55,913 --> 01:34:57,281
I will see you
out front then.

1773
01:34:57,314 --> 01:34:58,749
- Yeah.
- Okay.

1774
01:35:03,821 --> 01:35:05,122
Hi, Linda.

1775
01:35:05,155 --> 01:35:06,924
Hello.

1776
01:35:06,957 --> 01:35:08,459
Hmm.

1777
01:35:08,492 --> 01:35:11,328
I'll be right back.
I've got the flowers.

1778
01:35:11,362 --> 01:35:13,430
- And then...
- Mmm-hmm.

1779
01:35:16,834 --> 01:35:18,802
- Should we, uh...?
- Yeah.

1780
01:35:19,937 --> 01:35:20,971
I'll be right there.

1781
01:36:30,140 --> 01:36:31,609
Do you have newspaper?

1782
01:36:31,643 --> 01:36:34,044
Yeah, please
don't go to any trouble.

1783
01:36:34,078 --> 01:36:36,313
I'm so sorry.
I should have thought of that.

1784
01:36:36,347 --> 01:36:38,115
They brought the new
hymnal books in a box.

1785
01:36:38,148 --> 01:36:39,917
Oh, yes,
that's a great idea.

1786
01:36:39,950 --> 01:36:41,352
- Thank you.
- Oh, of course.

1787
01:36:41,385 --> 01:36:43,020
I'm going to go
check downstairs

1788
01:36:43,053 --> 01:36:44,388
to see if there's
something else.

1789
01:36:44,421 --> 01:36:46,490
- Thank you, guys.
- Okay.

1790
01:36:53,030 --> 01:36:55,032
- Well...
- I guess we're waiting for,

1791
01:36:55,065 --> 01:36:56,934
- uh...
- Yeah.

1792
01:37:00,938 --> 01:37:03,907
Um, well,
thank you both for today,

1793
01:37:03,941 --> 01:37:05,175
and Kendra, of course.

1794
01:37:05,209 --> 01:37:07,010
Oh,
it was my pleasure.

1795
01:37:11,382 --> 01:37:13,317
If you don't mind,
I should go.

1796
01:37:15,085 --> 01:37:17,020
Oh, sure, you know...

1797
01:37:17,054 --> 01:37:18,690
Linda, I should
really get back.

1798
01:37:18,723 --> 01:37:20,658
Okay.

1799
01:37:20,692 --> 01:37:22,426
I can walk back
without you if you...

1800
01:37:22,459 --> 01:37:23,961
No, no, no, I can...

1801
01:37:23,994 --> 01:37:25,195
- I can go with you.
- All right. Okay.

1802
01:37:25,229 --> 01:37:27,632
We walked here
together earlier.

1803
01:37:30,568 --> 01:37:32,002
It was, um...

1804
01:37:41,713 --> 01:37:43,080
Please take good care
of yourselves.

1805
01:37:43,113 --> 01:37:44,915
- Thank you.
- And you, Richard.

1806
01:37:49,420 --> 01:37:51,689
- We're gonna stay, right?
- Yeah.

1807
01:37:51,723 --> 01:37:54,191
We're always here. I mean...

1808
01:37:55,259 --> 01:37:56,960
Just stay in touch.

1809
01:37:59,129 --> 01:38:00,197
Good.

1810
01:38:05,235 --> 01:38:06,937
It's nice to see you again.

1811
01:38:12,777 --> 01:38:14,278
Take care.

1812
01:38:23,520 --> 01:38:25,389
Uh,
it's easier if you guys

1813
01:38:25,422 --> 01:38:27,391
would come down here,
maybe, with the flowers?

1814
01:38:27,424 --> 01:38:29,561
Yeah, sure. Good idea.

1815
01:38:54,384 --> 01:38:56,654
I think that this
might be the right one.

1816
01:38:56,688 --> 01:38:58,422
If we just put a little bit
of newspaper in it.

1817
01:38:58,455 --> 01:38:59,490
Fine. Sure.
Don't trouble yourself.

1818
01:38:59,523 --> 01:39:00,592
Okay.

1819
01:39:00,625 --> 01:39:02,392
Um. Hi.

1820
01:39:02,426 --> 01:39:04,394
Oh, did they...
Did they leave?

1821
01:39:04,428 --> 01:39:05,763
Yeah, they left,
but thank you.

1822
01:39:05,797 --> 01:39:06,631
Oh.

1823
01:39:06,664 --> 01:39:08,532
They're a gift,
they're ours, so...

1824
01:39:08,566 --> 01:39:10,768
I was just hoping
to say goodbye, is all.

1825
01:39:10,802 --> 01:39:12,570
I didn't even introduce
myself to them.

1826
01:39:12,604 --> 01:39:13,638
- It's okay.
- Don't worry about it.

1827
01:39:13,671 --> 01:39:16,073
- I'm sure it's fine.
- Yeah... No, I should have.

1828
01:39:16,106 --> 01:39:17,508
That's... That's fine.

1829
01:39:17,541 --> 01:39:21,445
Thanks so much for giving us
the space and for having us.

1830
01:39:21,478 --> 01:39:23,313
- It's really very...
- It's healing here.

1831
01:39:23,347 --> 01:39:26,550
It really is. It's safe here.

1832
01:39:26,584 --> 01:39:28,018
Wherever you come from.

1833
01:39:29,587 --> 01:39:31,455
So, I think we can
put it in here

1834
01:39:31,488 --> 01:39:32,590
if we just put
a little bit of newspaper.

1835
01:39:32,624 --> 01:39:34,324
- Judy?
- Yeah?

1836
01:39:37,094 --> 01:39:38,195
Pardon me. Uh,

1837
01:39:38,228 --> 01:39:40,264
they're bringing the rest
of the books to St. Thomas.

1838
01:39:40,297 --> 01:39:43,735
- So they need the boxes.
- Oh, okay. Okay.

1839
01:39:43,768 --> 01:39:44,669
Honestly...

1840
01:39:44,702 --> 01:39:46,136
But can't we just use
newspaper in here?

1841
01:39:46,169 --> 01:39:47,005
I would use
bubble wrap.

1842
01:39:47,037 --> 01:39:48,338
- I don't think...
- I really...

1843
01:39:48,372 --> 01:39:49,607
I don't want you to bother.

1844
01:39:49,641 --> 01:39:51,208
No, I can pack it. It's easy.

1845
01:39:51,241 --> 01:39:52,710
Just use a little bit
of newspaper in it.

1846
01:39:52,744 --> 01:39:54,211
Well, how much newspaper
do you have?

1847
01:39:54,244 --> 01:39:56,547
You know what? I'm just
gonna hold on to them.

1848
01:39:56,581 --> 01:39:59,082
- I want to. Yeah.
- Are you sure?

1849
01:39:59,116 --> 01:40:00,585
I am.
I think it'll be nice.

1850
01:40:00,618 --> 01:40:03,120
- Okay. I'm sorry.
- Well...

1851
01:40:03,153 --> 01:40:04,789
So, it was very nice
to meet you both.

1852
01:40:04,822 --> 01:40:06,156
- Oh.
- Um,

1853
01:40:06,189 --> 01:40:07,725
thank you for
everything and...

1854
01:40:16,801 --> 01:40:19,637
I have a story
I want to tell you.

1855
01:40:19,671 --> 01:40:21,104
Oh, okay.

1856
01:40:22,874 --> 01:40:24,676
I want to hear it.

1857
01:40:28,178 --> 01:40:29,413
He was 16.

1858
01:40:30,815 --> 01:40:32,482
He'd had such a bad week.

1859
01:40:33,618 --> 01:40:35,419
I felt so badly for him.

1860
01:40:37,254 --> 01:40:38,856
How cruel kids could be.

1861
01:40:40,558 --> 01:40:42,860
But I couldn't just
let him fall apart.

1862
01:40:42,894 --> 01:40:44,094
No.

1863
01:40:45,429 --> 01:40:47,464
We were alone.

1864
01:40:47,497 --> 01:40:49,834
Richard was working late.

1865
01:40:49,867 --> 01:40:52,604
I made dinner,
but he wouldn't eat.

1866
01:40:54,739 --> 01:40:57,609
I tried to talk to him,
but he wouldn't talk.

1867
01:40:58,843 --> 01:41:04,214
I went to his room.
He was on the computer.

1868
01:41:04,247 --> 01:41:09,319
I yelled at him,
"You have to start working.

1869
01:41:09,353 --> 01:41:13,290
"If you can't be happy,
at least you can do well."

1870
01:41:14,726 --> 01:41:19,429
He screamed at me,
"I don't want to be happy.

1871
01:41:20,397 --> 01:41:22,132
"I don't want to do well."

1872
01:41:23,467 --> 01:41:25,535
"Why?" I yelled.

1873
01:41:25,570 --> 01:41:27,504
"Why?"

1874
01:41:27,537 --> 01:41:29,674
Then we were screaming
at each other.

1875
01:41:30,742 --> 01:41:34,679
We were both... so hurt.

1876
01:41:40,484 --> 01:41:42,185
And we were afraid.

1877
01:41:42,219 --> 01:41:43,286
I know that.

1878
01:41:45,623 --> 01:41:47,692
It happened very quickly.

1879
01:41:47,725 --> 01:41:50,928
But then he said,
"Get out before I hit you.

1880
01:41:50,962 --> 01:41:53,665
"Get out before I beat
the shit out of you."

1881
01:41:53,698 --> 01:41:55,566
I swear to God...

1882
01:41:56,466 --> 01:42:00,203
He was... terrifying.

1883
01:42:02,707 --> 01:42:04,207
I went to my room...

1884
01:42:06,543 --> 01:42:07,812
and I locked the door.

1885
01:42:11,015 --> 01:42:12,215
Gail...

1886
01:42:19,523 --> 01:42:20,858
I wish I had let him.

1887
01:42:23,260 --> 01:42:27,865
I wish I had said,
"Okay, hit me.

1888
01:42:27,899 --> 01:42:29,600
"You hit me, sweetheart.

1889
01:42:31,468 --> 01:42:35,205
"Hit me for as long
as you'll ever need."

1890
01:42:37,775 --> 01:42:40,978
Because then I would
have known him.

1891
01:42:41,012 --> 01:42:44,582
I would have known
who he really was.

1892
01:42:47,551 --> 01:42:48,753
It's okay.

1893
01:43:06,771 --> 01:43:08,271
Mine's a...

1894
01:43:11,408 --> 01:43:14,277
Mine's a...

1895
01:43:14,311 --> 01:43:15,713
different kind of story but...

1896
01:43:15,747 --> 01:43:16,881
No.

1897
01:43:16,914 --> 01:43:18,583
We miss them.

1898
01:43:20,752 --> 01:43:24,756
- I wanted to tell a story too.
- I know.

1899
01:43:25,522 --> 01:43:27,257
I'm sorry I didn't ask.

1900
01:43:28,926 --> 01:43:30,260
Thank you.

1901
01:43:36,868 --> 01:43:38,268
Thank you.

1902
01:44:04,028 --> 01:44:05,395
We should...

1903
01:44:06,130 --> 01:44:07,632
Should we, uh...?

1904
01:44:08,966 --> 01:44:11,836
I thought we'd let them go.

1905
01:44:11,869 --> 01:44:13,436
That's a good idea.

1906
01:44:28,920 --> 01:44:29,987
What is that?

1907
01:44:31,421 --> 01:44:32,657
Sorry.

1908
01:44:33,925 --> 01:44:35,358
Is that coming from...?

1909
01:44:35,392 --> 01:44:37,527
Yeah, they're,
um, practicing

1910
01:44:37,562 --> 01:44:39,362
for the choir tomorrow.

1911
01:44:39,396 --> 01:44:40,798
I... I forgot.

1912
01:44:43,668 --> 01:44:45,736
Did we tell them?

1913
01:44:45,770 --> 01:44:49,006
I told you this morning
they were rehearsing today.

1914
01:44:49,040 --> 01:44:50,340
Did you?

1915
01:44:51,676 --> 01:44:53,077
I'm sorry.

1916
01:44:53,110 --> 01:44:56,113
Don't be. It's... It's nice.

1917
01:44:56,147 --> 01:44:59,549
Yeah, they're, um,
rehearsing for tomorrow.

1918
01:45:01,085 --> 01:45:02,419
Hear that?

1919
01:45:03,688 --> 01:45:04,922
They're singing.

1920
01:45:21,706 --> 01:45:23,641
Do you want to go up and see?

1921
01:45:25,877 --> 01:45:31,849
<i>Blessed be the tie that binds</i>

1922
01:45:31,883 --> 01:45:37,755
<i>Our hearts in Christian love</i>

1923
01:45:37,788 --> 01:45:41,659
<i>The fellowship</i>

1924
01:45:41,692 --> 01:45:45,796
<i>Of kindred minds</i>

1925
01:45:45,830 --> 01:45:48,733
No. That's all right.

1926
01:45:48,766 --> 01:45:52,103
<i>Is like that to that above</i>

1927
01:45:54,939 --> 01:46:01,946
<i>Before our Father's throne</i>

1928
01:46:01,979 --> 01:46:09,587
<i>We pour our ardent prayers</i>

1929
01:46:09,620 --> 01:46:13,925
<i>Our fears, our hopes</i>

1930
01:46:13,958 --> 01:46:18,596
<i>Our aims are one</i>

1931
01:46:18,629 --> 01:46:21,832
<i>Our comforts</i>

1932
01:46:21,866 --> 01:46:27,537
<i>And our cares</i>

1933
01:46:27,571 --> 01:46:34,912
<i>When we asunder part</i>

1934
01:46:34,946 --> 01:46:42,620
<i>It gives us inward pain</i>

1935
01:46:42,653 --> 01:46:49,160
<i>But we shall still be joined</i>

1936
01:46:49,193 --> 01:46:51,629
<i>In heart</i>

1937
01:46:51,662 --> 01:46:58,636
<i>And hope to meet again</i>

1938
01:47:44,131 --> 01:47:49,131
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